All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
The Visadors – Keys to Understanding Ourselves?
Lynda Jacobs
The huge sprawling Nevada sky turned gray as the growing thunderhead clouds moved quickly together blocking out the bright, warm, sun. Far away, thunder rumbled -- a little louder with each flash of lightning. Ricky and Tracy sat on Grandma’s porch swing.
“One . . .two! Boy, that one was close!” Ricky shuddered, scooting a little closer to Grandma.
Thunder exploded at the very second the lightning flashed, and all the lights on the street went out.
Knowing they were safe with Grandma, both children remained relaxed. There was an exciting feeling that came with the thunderstorm. Enjoying this pleasant closeness to Grandma, neither Traci nor Ricky made a move to go inside.
“Grandma did you have electricity when you were a little girl?”
“Oh, yes, we had everything electric that we could imagine when we were here at home. But sometimes during vacations, our family drove to the mountains. We enjoyed staying in a tent and working on our cabin that we go now to in the forest. We didn’t have electricity there until after the cabin was built. Those were some of the best times I remember. There was no T.V. or video games, so we read. Sometimes we played Monopoly, Risk, or card games. But sometimes my daddy, your great-grandfather, would just tell us stories about the Vizadors.
“Visitors? People that came to see you?”
“Well, more than that. The Vizadors were very special. When we drove through the clouds on the tops of the mountains or walked into a rainbow, or looked out on the mist on a green meadow in the Springtime – or just before sunset, when the world took on that shaded look, not quite dark but still not light – those were the times we began to think we could see the Vizadors. Through the years we all added our own experiences to those Daddy told us around the fireside, and later in the cabin in the forest.
“What were the Vizadors like?”
“Where did they come from?”
“Did you see them a lot?”
“What did they do?”
“Where did they live?” The two children peppered Grandma with a barrage of questions.
-2-
“Well,” paused Grandma, “This would be a good night to introduce you to the Vizadors. A night like this is perfect because we are feeling pleasantly warm and safe, protected from the storm outside. We can listen to the wind and the thunder as it booms and bangs and rumbles, knowing it will soon pass and leave the air clean and cool. The change in the temperature and the feeling in the air bring back the memories of the stories. Yes, this is a perfect time.”
Ricky and Traci snuggled closer on each side of their grandmother and began to listen very quietly to what she would tell them.
“When the clouds and mist are touching the earth, the way you see them now, there is a change in the air, and if you look closely, things look very different from the way they do in daylight. It is then, if you are very quiet and listen very closely that you might begin to see the Vizadors. You can see them in the aura of light, the halo, that peeks around a tree as the sunbeams stream on past. Or you might catch a glimpse in the slashing rays of light that stream from behind the vanishing rain clouds high on the horizon.
“Sometimes you might see a movement or hear a sound. Then you might begin to feel a pleasant special feeling. That is when you can be sure that the Vizadors are nearby.
“They seem to come from another place, perhaps high in the mountains, in a hidden village. They look very much like you and me. They act and speak in much the same way. But they have many powers and abilities that would amaze you.”
Grandma hugged Traci and Ricky lovingly as she began to tell of her first experience with the Vizadors.
“The first time I learned about the Vizadors, I was just about your age. I was watching the clouds float by. I began to think about the pictures I could see in the clouds, amazed at the way they were changing shapes so quickly. Then I saw the full moon in the sky. Suddenly it seemed as if the clouds were standing still, and the moon was hurrying across the sky. I thought I was seeing the earth turn under the blue patches of sky. I felt a little dizzy; light headed. I thought I was beginning to float up to be a part of the clouds.
“Right then I began to hear the most pleasant sound I have ever heard. It was a soft comfortable sound that fell upon my ears giving me a feeling of church bells, or the sound of birds or a soft rainfall. Zhaaah -- the sound came softly. I wasn’t at all sure I was hearing it. Zhaaah -- it came again. Never loudly nor in an unpleasant way. The first Vizador I ever met came in that way. Each time I heard the sound after that I knew I could choose to have a new experience learning things that would help me all of my life.
-3-
CHAPTER II
“I walked out toward the mist, searching for the source of that wonderful sound. Just a few feet in front of me, gradually appeared three Vizadors. They were sitting on the ground in a circle playing a game like marbles, in a large circle drawn in the dirt, several brightly colored marbles lay scattered around.
“Jashon, what are you holding?” Verimin asked as he picked up a shimmering silver marble.
“I hold happiness.” The light from the orb shimmered and grew as Jashon held it up for the others to see. “I want to carry this happiness with me all of my life.” He pushed the sphere deep into the pocket of his overalls. The light from the sphere was hidden from the fabric, but still glowed through the pocket for a moment. Then it began to fade and darken. The three Vizadors were silent.
I watched for what seemed to be several minutes.
“Jashon, what has happened to your happiness?” Knychol whispered, breaking the silence.
“I don’t know, Knychol. I wanted to keep it forever, but when I put it in my pocket, it dimmed and vanished. It’s not even there anymore.”
“What are you holding, Kynchol?”
Verimin turned toward Jashon.
“I hold anger.” Kynchol nearly shouted, startling all of us. “I am going to stuff it in my pocket to make it go away. She pushed the brightly glowing orb deeply into her pocket to hide. Rather than dimming, it began to grow larger and brighter.
“It’s getting hot!” Kynchol yelped, and grabbed it out of her pocket. She tossed it into the forest rocks where it still continued glowing and growing.
They both looked at Verimin. “Why didn’t it just go away?”
Verimin looked back, her legs extended forward, her arms braced her from behind, waiting. “You tell me,” she said.
I sat down very still on a nearby rock to listen, puzzled by what I had seen, anxious to hear what they would discover.
Jashon felt the place in his pocket where the marble had been. He held his hand over that empty spot as if waiting for it to reappear. “I think happiness must be shared and passed around for hit to be genuine. When we find real happiness that will last and bring us real joy, it is because we are sharing our life with others. I think that this is why my happiness just faded away. I tried to hide it and keep it to myself. Let me find another happiness orb and I will treat it differently.”
Knychol looked as puzzled as I felt. “I don’t understand, then, why the anger grew larger and brighter when I tried to hide it. I thought hiding it would make it disappear. How is it different?”
-4-
Verimin seemed in no hurry to explain. I continued to sit and wait, wondering what Knychol might have done differently.
Knychol pondered silently, “You know, if I had held the anger out to examine it, I might have begun to understand what was causing it, or even what kind of anger it was. But because I don’t even know where it came from, I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Knychol began searching through the rocks to find the marble he had thrown away. He returned to the circle with the still glowing orb. As he placed it carefully on a nearby stump, it began to project his actions earlier in the day. Kynchol curiously watched himself from the stump. The projected Kynchol played a running game with many other Vizadors. He made a poor choice, running the wrong way. His thoughts were projected in slow motion. He thought the choice he made was stupid. He looked around, feeling embarrassed.
When the others continued to play, Kynchol thought they were mad at him. He began to think about himself:
“I don’t think I’m a good player.”
“I should have made a different choice on that play.”
“The others must think I’m really stupid.”
“They probably don’t want me on their team.”
“Well, if they don’t want me on their team, I must not be worth much.”
“I’m stupid and not worth much.”
“They don’t want me around, so I’ll just go away.”
“I don’t have any place to go because I am so stupid.”
“I don’t have any friends.”
The more thoughts he had, the more angry he became. He watched the friends playing and thought they didn’t even care that he felt so badly. He tried to hide his anger, but he became more clumsy in his play. That made him even more angry. Finally, he began shouting and shoving everyone who got in his way. When anyone tried to stop him, he became more angry.
Kynchol was sitting on a rock, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he said aloud, “Did all that anger come from just making a mistake?”
Verimin answered, “No, all that anger came from the thoughts you had following the mistake. Had you watched others play, you might have seen them making mistakes, but each one had different thoughts. Some thought, “I need to practice that.” Others thought, “Well, it’s just a game for fun, and I’m having fun.” Some of the others might have had many different thoughts. It was your thoughts, not what happened, that made you angry,” Verimin explained.
“So why wouldn’t the anger just go away when I tried to hide it from others?”
“You continued thinking the thoughts that kept you angry.”
-5-
“Where could I have changed my thoughts?”
They projected the few seconds again for Kynchol to analyze. “There,” he pointed, and the projection paused near the end.
“I could have told everyone how angry I was for thinking I was so stupid, and made them stop bugging me.”
“Can you really change how others think and act, Kynchol?”
“Oh, O.K. I would be better off trying to change how I think. Let me watch again.”
They watch. “There! Right at the start, when I felt embarrassed. Feeling embarrassed turned into feeling angry because I thought everyone was upset with me.”
Jashon pointed out, “Maybe even the embarrassed feeling was because of what you were thinking. Did you think you had to be perfect when you played with us?”
“Yeah, I guess I did feel embarrassed because I made a bad choice. That made two bad choices. First, I ran the wrong way, then I thought in a way that upset myself.”
Verimin nodded wisely as the mist thickened and the three Vizadors began to fade away.
* * *
Grandma said that at this point she began to shout, “No! Don’t go away!” She told the children she remembered running, waving her arms frantically and shouting at the top of her lungs, “I need to understand more! I want to learn more things!”
“But they were suddenly gone! I stood up from the rock, rubbed the toe of my shoe across the outline of the circle and bent to pick up a shiny silver marble. I held it tightly in my hand as I looked up the mountain and into the sky. I walked slowly back to the cabin, wondering about what I had seen and heard.”
Sunday, March 15, 2009
THE WIZARD
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
THE WIZARD
Narrator: Once long ago in a far away land stood a castle. In the castle lived four very wise men, who the village people that lived nearby imagined were wizards.
The wizards, as the village people called them, lived alone in the castle, and seldom went into the village.
One specially beautiful spring time, the Mayor of the village called the town council together and said:
Mayor:
The long winter is over, the days are beginning to get longer and warmer and it time to rejoice and feel happy. But something is wrong in our village. There is no happiness. There is a bad feeling and I don't know what is causing it.
Council l. People from other villages don't like to come here anymore, they can feel that bad feeling tool
CB: is it a sickness? is our town dying? What could be the cause.
Councilman 3: maybe the wizards in the castle can help us. They are very wise and some say they can work magic.
Councilman. Yes. Let's fax a letter to the castle right away and ask for their help.
Narrator 2; Dear Wise men in the castle. We have heard that you are wizards and can work magic. Our village seems to be dying. There is a bad feeling here, and we need your help.
The first wise man appeared at the next council meeting.s
Wizard 1: When I received your fax asking for help with your people I decided I would try to help you. But if you want my help, you must all do exactly as I say. I will go out into the town and walk among the people and try to look into their eyes to see what the problem is that causes this bad feeling. I will learn what I can from what I feel as I walk among the people..
Narrator:3: When he returned after walking through the town for a few hours he told the council:
Wizard 1 You must call all the towns people together in a meeting and I will tell them what I have found out that might be the problem, and I will give them a tool that will help them.
Narrator 3: the word spread quickly that a wizard had come to the village and would give them a magic tool to help them. s
The auditorium was nearly full when the wise man stood up to talk the people told each other:
Villager: Sit very quietly and listen to the words of the wizard.
Villager 2: I wonder what he will say to us. What magic tool can he give us?
Wizard .1: IS have walked among your people and tried to look into your eyes, but I discovered that your people don't seem to be able to look up and look at faces. You must look at one another as you walk in the village. You must look into the eyes of the other villagers.
Narrator:3 The People started talking to each other and in the noise and confusion that followed as the people walked out and looked at each other for the first time that spring, the wise man left the stage, and some said he had vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Narrator 4: a few days went by and the feeling of the town got better. The people knew they had to look up and look at each other as they passed, because they had promised to do as the wise man told them.
Villager: We all feel so much better with this one magic tool the wizard has given us. I wonder how it would be to feel even better. Would it be selfish and greedy to ask the wizards to give us another magic tool to help our people feel better?
Council Man: We can ask for what we want. If we tell the wizards that is what we want and need, they might send another tool.
Narrator: Again a fax was sent and the second wise man appeared before the council.
Wise 2: I am happy that you have asked honestly for what you want. It is not selfish or greedy to ask for help, to ask for things that will make you feel good. I will help you, but you must promise to do as I tell you. I will walk among the people and learn what I can from what I see.
After a few hours the second wizard returned to report to the council and another meeting of all the people was announced. This time the auditorium was fuller than before because more people had seen the announcements posted around the town.
The wise man stood before the people and they began to get very quiet and get ready to listen closely to what they could learn from the things that he would say.
Wizard 2: I have walked among your people. I see that you are all looking up and looking at faces and into eyes as you pass each other. But what i felt as I walked among you was a certain sadness. When you look at other people, you must smile at them as you pass. If you will smile at each other, you will begin to feel much happier.
Narrator: the people began to look at one another and smile right away, and the wise man left the platform in the confusion. Many said again that they had seen him disappear in a cloud of smoke and spoke of the second magic tool he had given them/. They could feel the difference right away as they looked at each other and smiled.
The feeling in the town was so much better that people from other towns were starting to visit again. They could see that the people were happier and they could feel the change in the town.
A few days passed and one of the villagers said to a council man:
Villager: We feel so much better with our two magic tools. Would it be selfish and greedy to ask the wizards to send us yet another magic tool.
Council: I wonder How it would be to feel even better than we are feeling. I wonder how much better we can feel?
The mayor once again faxed an apologetic request to the castle for help. The wizard appeared before the people, The auditorium was completely full and the crown began to be silent and still as the third wizard held up his hands.
Wizard;3 : We are happy for you that your town is feeling better and we are glad to share yet another wool with you. Once again you must promise to do exactly as tell you and y u will begin to feel even more comfortable and relaxed, and the good feelings will spread among you.
I have walked among you and listened to the sounds of the village and I will tell you what you must do. You must say hello or hi to one another as you pass by. If you will give a greeting of hello or hi as you pass, other villagers will hear of the great feeling here and will want to be with you.
The noise that followed that speech was much louder than ever before as town
people turned to each other, looked into faces and into eyes, smiled and said hello. The wizard left during all that .
Villager:; Joe said he actually saw the man disappear in a cloud of blue smoke. He must be a wizard. All that the three men have given us has worked magic in our town. The three tools have brought us so much happiness and good feelings, do we have the courage to ask for more?
Once again the castle was faxed a request for help. Once again a wise man came to walk among the people and learn from all his 5 senses all he could learn about the problem, which was really not a problem any more, but a wonderful change and excitement in the air as the people walked among each other.
The seats were filled and people stood in the isles and in the doorways to hear what the wise man would tell them. THye listened quietly to learn what they could about the magic tools he would bring.
sd
Wizard: You have done as the first three men have told you and you have felt a great difference. Everyone can see the differences in your faces and the way you walk. There is a change in the sound of the village and I can hear a joyful sound. You have asked for another tool, and you need not apologize for asking. It is good to ask for what you want and need to feel happy and to take care of yourselves.
I know you will do as I tell you as you have already followed the directions for the first three tools. Now you need to learn the names of the people you see. Learn the names of all the people in the village. Learn to call each other by names each time you speak to one another. When you look up, look into your neighbors eyes, smile and say hi, you must say their name, and this will bring you great contentment and a friendly feeling of having loving caring neighbors and friends. All the world will hear of the happiness in this village, and all who can will come to learn from you and learn from what you have done.
The villagers all shouted:
All thank you for the magic tools, dear wizards.
Wizard: I am not a wizard, just a man who knows that I can choose to feel happy. What i have given you is not magic, but tools anyone who wants to feel happy can use. When many people use these tools, wonderful things can happen.
end.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
THE WIZARD
Narrator: Once long ago in a far away land stood a castle. In the castle lived four very wise men, who the village people that lived nearby imagined were wizards.
The wizards, as the village people called them, lived alone in the castle, and seldom went into the village.
One specially beautiful spring time, the Mayor of the village called the town council together and said:
Mayor:
The long winter is over, the days are beginning to get longer and warmer and it time to rejoice and feel happy. But something is wrong in our village. There is no happiness. There is a bad feeling and I don't know what is causing it.
Council l. People from other villages don't like to come here anymore, they can feel that bad feeling tool
CB: is it a sickness? is our town dying? What could be the cause.
Councilman 3: maybe the wizards in the castle can help us. They are very wise and some say they can work magic.
Councilman. Yes. Let's fax a letter to the castle right away and ask for their help.
Narrator 2; Dear Wise men in the castle. We have heard that you are wizards and can work magic. Our village seems to be dying. There is a bad feeling here, and we need your help.
The first wise man appeared at the next council meeting.s
Wizard 1: When I received your fax asking for help with your people I decided I would try to help you. But if you want my help, you must all do exactly as I say. I will go out into the town and walk among the people and try to look into their eyes to see what the problem is that causes this bad feeling. I will learn what I can from what I feel as I walk among the people..
Narrator:3: When he returned after walking through the town for a few hours he told the council:
Wizard 1 You must call all the towns people together in a meeting and I will tell them what I have found out that might be the problem, and I will give them a tool that will help them.
Narrator 3: the word spread quickly that a wizard had come to the village and would give them a magic tool to help them. s
The auditorium was nearly full when the wise man stood up to talk the people told each other:
Villager: Sit very quietly and listen to the words of the wizard.
Villager 2: I wonder what he will say to us. What magic tool can he give us?
Wizard .1: IS have walked among your people and tried to look into your eyes, but I discovered that your people don't seem to be able to look up and look at faces. You must look at one another as you walk in the village. You must look into the eyes of the other villagers.
Narrator:3 The People started talking to each other and in the noise and confusion that followed as the people walked out and looked at each other for the first time that spring, the wise man left the stage, and some said he had vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Narrator 4: a few days went by and the feeling of the town got better. The people knew they had to look up and look at each other as they passed, because they had promised to do as the wise man told them.
Villager: We all feel so much better with this one magic tool the wizard has given us. I wonder how it would be to feel even better. Would it be selfish and greedy to ask the wizards to give us another magic tool to help our people feel better?
Council Man: We can ask for what we want. If we tell the wizards that is what we want and need, they might send another tool.
Narrator: Again a fax was sent and the second wise man appeared before the council.
Wise 2: I am happy that you have asked honestly for what you want. It is not selfish or greedy to ask for help, to ask for things that will make you feel good. I will help you, but you must promise to do as I tell you. I will walk among the people and learn what I can from what I see.
After a few hours the second wizard returned to report to the council and another meeting of all the people was announced. This time the auditorium was fuller than before because more people had seen the announcements posted around the town.
The wise man stood before the people and they began to get very quiet and get ready to listen closely to what they could learn from the things that he would say.
Wizard 2: I have walked among your people. I see that you are all looking up and looking at faces and into eyes as you pass each other. But what i felt as I walked among you was a certain sadness. When you look at other people, you must smile at them as you pass. If you will smile at each other, you will begin to feel much happier.
Narrator: the people began to look at one another and smile right away, and the wise man left the platform in the confusion. Many said again that they had seen him disappear in a cloud of smoke and spoke of the second magic tool he had given them/. They could feel the difference right away as they looked at each other and smiled.
The feeling in the town was so much better that people from other towns were starting to visit again. They could see that the people were happier and they could feel the change in the town.
A few days passed and one of the villagers said to a council man:
Villager: We feel so much better with our two magic tools. Would it be selfish and greedy to ask the wizards to send us yet another magic tool.
Council: I wonder How it would be to feel even better than we are feeling. I wonder how much better we can feel?
The mayor once again faxed an apologetic request to the castle for help. The wizard appeared before the people, The auditorium was completely full and the crown began to be silent and still as the third wizard held up his hands.
Wizard;3 : We are happy for you that your town is feeling better and we are glad to share yet another wool with you. Once again you must promise to do exactly as tell you and y u will begin to feel even more comfortable and relaxed, and the good feelings will spread among you.
I have walked among you and listened to the sounds of the village and I will tell you what you must do. You must say hello or hi to one another as you pass by. If you will give a greeting of hello or hi as you pass, other villagers will hear of the great feeling here and will want to be with you.
The noise that followed that speech was much louder than ever before as town
people turned to each other, looked into faces and into eyes, smiled and said hello. The wizard left during all that .
Villager:; Joe said he actually saw the man disappear in a cloud of blue smoke. He must be a wizard. All that the three men have given us has worked magic in our town. The three tools have brought us so much happiness and good feelings, do we have the courage to ask for more?
Once again the castle was faxed a request for help. Once again a wise man came to walk among the people and learn from all his 5 senses all he could learn about the problem, which was really not a problem any more, but a wonderful change and excitement in the air as the people walked among each other.
The seats were filled and people stood in the isles and in the doorways to hear what the wise man would tell them. THye listened quietly to learn what they could about the magic tools he would bring.
sd
Wizard: You have done as the first three men have told you and you have felt a great difference. Everyone can see the differences in your faces and the way you walk. There is a change in the sound of the village and I can hear a joyful sound. You have asked for another tool, and you need not apologize for asking. It is good to ask for what you want and need to feel happy and to take care of yourselves.
I know you will do as I tell you as you have already followed the directions for the first three tools. Now you need to learn the names of the people you see. Learn the names of all the people in the village. Learn to call each other by names each time you speak to one another. When you look up, look into your neighbors eyes, smile and say hi, you must say their name, and this will bring you great contentment and a friendly feeling of having loving caring neighbors and friends. All the world will hear of the happiness in this village, and all who can will come to learn from you and learn from what you have done.
The villagers all shouted:
All thank you for the magic tools, dear wizards.
Wizard: I am not a wizard, just a man who knows that I can choose to feel happy. What i have given you is not magic, but tools anyone who wants to feel happy can use. When many people use these tools, wonderful things can happen.
end.
A long time ago in Archordain
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
THE DRAGON
"A long time ago in Archordain," said the storyteller in a far off voice. "There was a town called Bosuchus. It was usually peaceful and calm in Bosuchus, but not today for an important event was happening today. King Tricason was coming here today and everyone was getting ready for his arrival.
Everyone helped; some made banners, some helped prepare the banquet. Everyone was busy and soon it was done. The banquet was cooked and on a large table. All the streamers and banners were up. A few people just went back to their homes and the others stayed there tidying up little odds and ends such as straightening the spoons and forks, for this was the King of Archordain and they wanted everything to be perfect.
In no time at all they heard the royal trumpets sounding and a voice saying, "His majesty King Tricason has come." Then the royal procession began. First came King Tricason himself. He had a black mustache and black hair about to the middle of his ears. Then came the nobles then the servants.
Everyone watching the procession knelt to King Tricason as he walked to the banquet table. When he was there he took his seat at the head of the table; the nobles sat at the side of the table close to him; they then began to eat with their beloved king close to them.
Soon Tricason look up at the people of Bosuchus and said, "Tomorrow I would like to see all the towns people gathered together at the town square. I have an important message to give all of them.
CHAPTER THREE
The next day as King Tricason had requested all the townspeople had gathered in the town square. There was a pulpit at the head of the crowd which he had stepped on to. The king cleared his throat and started to speak in a solemn voice.
"My people, a great evil has come over our peaceful country. An evil so great that it grieves my heart just to think of it." Then he paused for a moment and then started once more. "A dragon has come into Archordain and I have come here to recruit my loyal subjects. Together we may be able to slay this foul beast."
"The recruits will receive 60 trats a month. This dragon has already destroyed 15 towns and villages much like yours." And here Tricason ended his speech. And the next day a sort of stall was erected for the people that wanted to join this army. There was a great turnout they got almost half the men of Bosuchus and even some of the women who were satisfied with the job of cooks and nurses..
CHAPTER FOUR
The small army went out at once. Everyone said goodbye to their families sadly and left. They were led by General Ladcam for the king and his nobles had gone off to recruit people from other towns.
When they set up camp for the night Ladcam filled them in on all the information he had on the dragon. "He has his lair on Mount Ruculus. The plan is to go into his lair when he is asleep and grab some of his scales that have dropped off onto the ground and then get out of there. Then they would use those scales as shields against the dragon fire." For it was well known in Archordain from the stories and legends, that the only thing that could protect someone from a dragon's fire is that same dragon's scales. There were a few more instructions about how they were going to get there and other such things and then they all went to sleep.
But before General Ladcam retired to his tent he was stopped by a young man in his thirties. "General Ladcam may I see you privately?" he requested.
"Surely, you may." the General replied, and he showed the young man to his tent. Inside the tent they each sat down by a small table and the young man started talking. "I do not wish to keep you up longer than is needed, so I will be brief. Just before I left Bosuchus to join this army my grandfather gave me this" as he was talking he pulled out of his pocket two small glass containers much like food coloring bottles with an oozy looking fluid in them. "My grandfather said that these would help us in our quest against the dragon." The young man said that his grandfather would say no more, and then left the surprised general holding the two small containers in his hands.
In the morning after everyone had eaten breakfast and everything had been put up, the army started on their way. It was pretty easy going to begin the day when it was afternoon they stopped to rest the horses and have lunch.
CHAPTER FIVE
Day after day the small army walked on. Every now and then, someone would join them. After about a week of walking they could see the tip of Mount Ruculus. That night they all reviewed their plans with Ladcam, and then went to sleep. When they woke up that morning they hurried to put everything up and start going for they were trying to get to the main camp where many other small armies were encamped together.
The townspeople almost walked halfway through the main camp without noticing that they were in it. The tents were very cleverly hidden by camouflage. General Ladcam noticed it a good deal before they were there, but he wanted the townspeople to find it on their own. The camp was about at the middle of Mount Ruculus. All the people of Bosuchus pitched their tents in the same area and then just loafed around for a while.
All the Generals were called to a meeting in the middle of camp in which Tricason himself would instruct them on what exactly to do. While the generals were gone, the townspeople mingled with each other
Everyone was either talking or resting in their tents when there was a great noise such as would happen if we put gas on a fire. Then everyone saw it, (all the people who had been in their tents came out because of the noise) a great huge burst of flame almost half an acre wide. There was a small group of trees standing, and moments later there was nothing but the black smoking ground.
The people of Bosuchus, all the generals, and the people of the other towns all knew that dragons breathe fire yet they had never seen it happen before. They did not know how terrible it actually was. Many of the people that had only minutes ago been so cheerful and almost eager to meet this dragon now felt just the opposite.
CHAPTER SIX
In the days that followed everyone tried to forget that horrible blast of fire that came from the cave. More and more armies came to the camp and soon Tricason announced that it was time to gather the scales from the dragon’s lair. Ladcam volunteered his army to gather the scales first
The Bosuchus army was divided into ten groups of ten each. The first group to go in was the one with the young man who gave the glass containers to Ladcam
What happened to them can be best described in their own words so here is how one member of the team called Motley told the story. "So there we were about to go right into a dragon's lair and pick up a bunch of scales. I wrote out my will, hoping that it wouldn't need to be used in a long time. I got ready for the expedition, said goodbye to everyone else, and we were off. On the way up to the dragon’s lair we talked about the stories that would be told about us."
"When we got there we decided that the best thing to do would be for all ten of us to run in and pick up as many as we could, making as little noise as we could so we would not wake up the dragon. It took us all a minute to muster up the courage to go, but soon we were about to get moving. We counted to three and ran in. I found a good pile of scales and started picking them up. When my hands were full I ran out. The others came out soon and had a great many of scales as well.
"We made two more runs and ended with quite a large pile of scales which we put in the cart and pulled down the mountain into camp. Later when we had a contest to see which team gathered the most my team came in fourth."
And that's basically the story for all the teams. There was one group of townspeople from a town named Nabatnam whose general foolishly told them all to go in at the same time. They made too much noise and woke the dragon up he fried almost all of them, except the ones that dived into a pile of dragon scales. When they were all counted it turned out that Bosuchus gathered the most.
Tricason ordered all the scales made into shields, yet no one seemed to know how, when someone accidentally dropped one into a fire and saw it melt into a thick hard substance. This gave the blacksmiths an idea. The blacksmiths approached the king and asked him to order some bellows from the nearby town of Triclat and he did so. When the bellows came the blacksmiths set to work hammering the substance into huge shields.
Before anyone seemed to know what was happening, everything was completed. The shields were all made, the spears, bows and arrows that had been ordered had come, and the king had recruited all the towns that he had been able too. IT WAS TIME FOR THE ATTACK!!!
CHAPTER SEVEN
The generals all agreed to go up in full force and go as close as they dared with the best bowmen in the front. And then open fire. Tricason selected the ten bravest men to go find out where the most vulnerable part of the dragon was. They came back and said it was the eyes and the mouth After they had all rested, they went up to the dragon’s lair, as planned, in full force with the best bowmen in front. They all got as close to the dragon as they dared to, and the bowmen fired. The dragon awoke in a furious frenzy. It started breathing fire everywhere and swishing its tail. That's when Ladcam remembered the glass bottles that the young man had given to him. He pulled the first one out while holding his shield up against a furious blast of dragon’s breath. The general held the bottle and threw it with all his might and muscle. The tiny container spun around in the air and hit the dragon when its mouth was open, yet just before any fire came out.
The dragon seemed to stop and hold stock still for a moment, and then it seemed like it was choking on the fluid. The beast had its mouth open yet no fire was coming out. The beast became even more furious it started hitting people with its tail. It even tried to eat one of the men, but the man threw his spear almost right by the dragons eye.
Then Ladcam threw the other bottle at the dragon . It hit with a loud crash and the dragon fell in a heap with a roar. Everyone ran up to it and started jabbing it with their spears until they were sure it was dead Then they rose a great shout of victory and started pulling the spears and arrows out with great joy.
CHAPTER EIGHT
epilouge
That night there was a great feast and a celebration. In the morning most of the people started packing their belongings and their payment and headed for home. The young man’s grandfather was questioned and would not say anything. He just acted like he had never given his grandson anything like the two bottles. They remain a mystery even today.
The dragon killed almost 120 of the 2000 people that had attacked it. Most people guessed it would have killed more people had it not been killed itself. The townspeople went back to their separate villages and towns. They were all allowed to keep their shields as mementos of their battle
"And that is the end of the story,” said the storyteller and the silence that had prevailed through the whole story was broken and everybody gradually left except the two boys, Motaff and Nudat. They went up and started talking with the storyteller.
"That sure was a neat story!" said Motaff in an exited voice.
"Yeah, where did you learn it from?" asked Nudat.
"I learned it from my grandfather when I was very young." said the storyteller.
"Where did he learn it from?" asked both the boys together
"I never asked him," said the old man
One day the two boys were looking through an old genealogy book when they noticed a branch of the storyteller’s ancestors. They looked at it a while. Then Nudat quickly pointed at one certain point and almost shouted "look Motaff look!". There in a certain spot was the name CAFNAT LADCAM, general in the army of King Tricason. So the boys found out the truth.
THE END
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
THE DRAGON
"A long time ago in Archordain," said the storyteller in a far off voice. "There was a town called Bosuchus. It was usually peaceful and calm in Bosuchus, but not today for an important event was happening today. King Tricason was coming here today and everyone was getting ready for his arrival.
Everyone helped; some made banners, some helped prepare the banquet. Everyone was busy and soon it was done. The banquet was cooked and on a large table. All the streamers and banners were up. A few people just went back to their homes and the others stayed there tidying up little odds and ends such as straightening the spoons and forks, for this was the King of Archordain and they wanted everything to be perfect.
In no time at all they heard the royal trumpets sounding and a voice saying, "His majesty King Tricason has come." Then the royal procession began. First came King Tricason himself. He had a black mustache and black hair about to the middle of his ears. Then came the nobles then the servants.
Everyone watching the procession knelt to King Tricason as he walked to the banquet table. When he was there he took his seat at the head of the table; the nobles sat at the side of the table close to him; they then began to eat with their beloved king close to them.
Soon Tricason look up at the people of Bosuchus and said, "Tomorrow I would like to see all the towns people gathered together at the town square. I have an important message to give all of them.
CHAPTER THREE
The next day as King Tricason had requested all the townspeople had gathered in the town square. There was a pulpit at the head of the crowd which he had stepped on to. The king cleared his throat and started to speak in a solemn voice.
"My people, a great evil has come over our peaceful country. An evil so great that it grieves my heart just to think of it." Then he paused for a moment and then started once more. "A dragon has come into Archordain and I have come here to recruit my loyal subjects. Together we may be able to slay this foul beast."
"The recruits will receive 60 trats a month. This dragon has already destroyed 15 towns and villages much like yours." And here Tricason ended his speech. And the next day a sort of stall was erected for the people that wanted to join this army. There was a great turnout they got almost half the men of Bosuchus and even some of the women who were satisfied with the job of cooks and nurses..
CHAPTER FOUR
The small army went out at once. Everyone said goodbye to their families sadly and left. They were led by General Ladcam for the king and his nobles had gone off to recruit people from other towns.
When they set up camp for the night Ladcam filled them in on all the information he had on the dragon. "He has his lair on Mount Ruculus. The plan is to go into his lair when he is asleep and grab some of his scales that have dropped off onto the ground and then get out of there. Then they would use those scales as shields against the dragon fire." For it was well known in Archordain from the stories and legends, that the only thing that could protect someone from a dragon's fire is that same dragon's scales. There were a few more instructions about how they were going to get there and other such things and then they all went to sleep.
But before General Ladcam retired to his tent he was stopped by a young man in his thirties. "General Ladcam may I see you privately?" he requested.
"Surely, you may." the General replied, and he showed the young man to his tent. Inside the tent they each sat down by a small table and the young man started talking. "I do not wish to keep you up longer than is needed, so I will be brief. Just before I left Bosuchus to join this army my grandfather gave me this" as he was talking he pulled out of his pocket two small glass containers much like food coloring bottles with an oozy looking fluid in them. "My grandfather said that these would help us in our quest against the dragon." The young man said that his grandfather would say no more, and then left the surprised general holding the two small containers in his hands.
In the morning after everyone had eaten breakfast and everything had been put up, the army started on their way. It was pretty easy going to begin the day when it was afternoon they stopped to rest the horses and have lunch.
CHAPTER FIVE
Day after day the small army walked on. Every now and then, someone would join them. After about a week of walking they could see the tip of Mount Ruculus. That night they all reviewed their plans with Ladcam, and then went to sleep. When they woke up that morning they hurried to put everything up and start going for they were trying to get to the main camp where many other small armies were encamped together.
The townspeople almost walked halfway through the main camp without noticing that they were in it. The tents were very cleverly hidden by camouflage. General Ladcam noticed it a good deal before they were there, but he wanted the townspeople to find it on their own. The camp was about at the middle of Mount Ruculus. All the people of Bosuchus pitched their tents in the same area and then just loafed around for a while.
All the Generals were called to a meeting in the middle of camp in which Tricason himself would instruct them on what exactly to do. While the generals were gone, the townspeople mingled with each other
Everyone was either talking or resting in their tents when there was a great noise such as would happen if we put gas on a fire. Then everyone saw it, (all the people who had been in their tents came out because of the noise) a great huge burst of flame almost half an acre wide. There was a small group of trees standing, and moments later there was nothing but the black smoking ground.
The people of Bosuchus, all the generals, and the people of the other towns all knew that dragons breathe fire yet they had never seen it happen before. They did not know how terrible it actually was. Many of the people that had only minutes ago been so cheerful and almost eager to meet this dragon now felt just the opposite.
CHAPTER SIX
In the days that followed everyone tried to forget that horrible blast of fire that came from the cave. More and more armies came to the camp and soon Tricason announced that it was time to gather the scales from the dragon’s lair. Ladcam volunteered his army to gather the scales first
The Bosuchus army was divided into ten groups of ten each. The first group to go in was the one with the young man who gave the glass containers to Ladcam
What happened to them can be best described in their own words so here is how one member of the team called Motley told the story. "So there we were about to go right into a dragon's lair and pick up a bunch of scales. I wrote out my will, hoping that it wouldn't need to be used in a long time. I got ready for the expedition, said goodbye to everyone else, and we were off. On the way up to the dragon’s lair we talked about the stories that would be told about us."
"When we got there we decided that the best thing to do would be for all ten of us to run in and pick up as many as we could, making as little noise as we could so we would not wake up the dragon. It took us all a minute to muster up the courage to go, but soon we were about to get moving. We counted to three and ran in. I found a good pile of scales and started picking them up. When my hands were full I ran out. The others came out soon and had a great many of scales as well.
"We made two more runs and ended with quite a large pile of scales which we put in the cart and pulled down the mountain into camp. Later when we had a contest to see which team gathered the most my team came in fourth."
And that's basically the story for all the teams. There was one group of townspeople from a town named Nabatnam whose general foolishly told them all to go in at the same time. They made too much noise and woke the dragon up he fried almost all of them, except the ones that dived into a pile of dragon scales. When they were all counted it turned out that Bosuchus gathered the most.
Tricason ordered all the scales made into shields, yet no one seemed to know how, when someone accidentally dropped one into a fire and saw it melt into a thick hard substance. This gave the blacksmiths an idea. The blacksmiths approached the king and asked him to order some bellows from the nearby town of Triclat and he did so. When the bellows came the blacksmiths set to work hammering the substance into huge shields.
Before anyone seemed to know what was happening, everything was completed. The shields were all made, the spears, bows and arrows that had been ordered had come, and the king had recruited all the towns that he had been able too. IT WAS TIME FOR THE ATTACK!!!
CHAPTER SEVEN
The generals all agreed to go up in full force and go as close as they dared with the best bowmen in the front. And then open fire. Tricason selected the ten bravest men to go find out where the most vulnerable part of the dragon was. They came back and said it was the eyes and the mouth After they had all rested, they went up to the dragon’s lair, as planned, in full force with the best bowmen in front. They all got as close to the dragon as they dared to, and the bowmen fired. The dragon awoke in a furious frenzy. It started breathing fire everywhere and swishing its tail. That's when Ladcam remembered the glass bottles that the young man had given to him. He pulled the first one out while holding his shield up against a furious blast of dragon’s breath. The general held the bottle and threw it with all his might and muscle. The tiny container spun around in the air and hit the dragon when its mouth was open, yet just before any fire came out.
The dragon seemed to stop and hold stock still for a moment, and then it seemed like it was choking on the fluid. The beast had its mouth open yet no fire was coming out. The beast became even more furious it started hitting people with its tail. It even tried to eat one of the men, but the man threw his spear almost right by the dragons eye.
Then Ladcam threw the other bottle at the dragon . It hit with a loud crash and the dragon fell in a heap with a roar. Everyone ran up to it and started jabbing it with their spears until they were sure it was dead Then they rose a great shout of victory and started pulling the spears and arrows out with great joy.
CHAPTER EIGHT
epilouge
That night there was a great feast and a celebration. In the morning most of the people started packing their belongings and their payment and headed for home. The young man’s grandfather was questioned and would not say anything. He just acted like he had never given his grandson anything like the two bottles. They remain a mystery even today.
The dragon killed almost 120 of the 2000 people that had attacked it. Most people guessed it would have killed more people had it not been killed itself. The townspeople went back to their separate villages and towns. They were all allowed to keep their shields as mementos of their battle
"And that is the end of the story,” said the storyteller and the silence that had prevailed through the whole story was broken and everybody gradually left except the two boys, Motaff and Nudat. They went up and started talking with the storyteller.
"That sure was a neat story!" said Motaff in an exited voice.
"Yeah, where did you learn it from?" asked Nudat.
"I learned it from my grandfather when I was very young." said the storyteller.
"Where did he learn it from?" asked both the boys together
"I never asked him," said the old man
One day the two boys were looking through an old genealogy book when they noticed a branch of the storyteller’s ancestors. They looked at it a while. Then Nudat quickly pointed at one certain point and almost shouted "look Motaff look!". There in a certain spot was the name CAFNAT LADCAM, general in the army of King Tricason. So the boys found out the truth.
THE END
THE REST OF THE TALE
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you. For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
And the princess rode off to the castle with the prince. They were married and lived at the castle happily. They strolled through the garden blossoms and danced among the wild flowers; they marveled at the sunsets and ran to meet the rainbows in the sky. They laughed at the court jester and sang with the ladies and knights of the court. They sat around the fire at night dreaming of what they would do to make the world a better and more beautiful, kinder and more gentle place when they became queen and king of the land.
The princess was in the garden one beautiful day when a tiny lady in a sparkling dress appeared to her. "Princess," she said, and her voice was like little bells jingling lightly, "You may have the wish of your heart. You must not take this lightly, for as with every wish there is a price to pay; I cannot tell you the price, but I will tell you that it will be well worth the reward. The princess asked for a day to think it over.
She did not mention it to the prince for he was very busy. The next day the princess was in her garden tending the flowers when the tiny lady appeared. "Have you decided on your wish young princess?”
"My wish is to have 7 healthy beautiful children who love each other and make the world a happier more gentle place." For, you see, the princess knew that seven has been a magical, special number since the creation of the world.
"Your wish shall be granted; please remember as you pay the price that it will be well worth it in the end."
The tiny woman went away. The princess did not see her again for a long time, but she thought of her many times during the rest of her life.
Then one day the king and queen died and the young prince was not appointed to the king. Instead, one of his cousins was made king and banished the young prince and his bride into the wilderness without a penny of their own. They wandered in the wilderness for many months, looking for a place to live where there would be a job for the prince and a cottage for the young princess, for you see, by then she was ready to have a baby.
The prince was an industrious and talented young man so he was able to get a job working in a small town where he made enough money to buy food for himself and his wife. Soon the baby was born and as the baby grew, it ate more and more food, and by
that time there was a second baby. The young prince, older now, had to take an extra job in the town, while the princess had to stay at home, taking care of the two babies, and that was not easy, because she was going to have a third baby soon.
The prince and princess did not look as young and beautiful as they had looked riding off to the castle on that white horse, but they were still in love, they thought. They did not see each
other often and when they did the things they had to talk about were nothing to do with sunsets and rainbows, but they talked about the problems the children were having and the lack of money and clothes, and the small cottage was not big enough for the growing family.
The prince would say, "You want me to work 24 hours a day and night times too? When all you want to do is dance and raise flowers."
And the princess would stamp her foot and tell him if he hadn't messed up at the castle they would still be there and be king and Queen, so she claimed all their problems were really his fault.
They spent so much of their time arguing about who was at fault, they could not solve any of their real problems. Arguing just made them worse. While they argued the children would close up their ears with pillows so they couldn't hear or run outside into the woods. It didn't really matter what they did, they could still hear the words in their heads because they had heard them so often since before they were born.
Two more children had been born, so now there were five. Some of the children thought the fighting and arguing must be their fault, and they felt very badly about it. They began to fight and argue and strike each other in anger. It grieved the
princess; this was not her wish. She was paying the price, but where were the 7 wonderful children who would be gentle and kind and make the world a better place to live?
One day after the prince had gone off to his first job early in the morning the princess gathered her children around her and said that they were going on an adventure. She told them to get their clothes that they could carry and their favorite toy, and climb into the cart. Off they all went, excited to be on an adventure. Night time came and still they traveled on. The children slept in the cart as much as the bumpy cold ride would allow them to. Finally the princess stopped at an empty cabin and built a fire. She put the children to bed. They stayed in the cabin, fishing for food and running and
playing in the chilly winter air, feeling like all would be well now. They danced among the wild flowers and marveled at the sunsets and ran towards the rainbows.
But the children missed the prince and his joking laughter and his rough housing that he did with them on the rare evenings he spent at home. Soon they were crying for him every day.
The princess loved her 5 children so very much that it hurt her so see them sad and lonely for their father, so she sent a message with a hunter to tell the prince where they were, and that if he would come join them they could be happy there in the
woods, leaving all their anger behind. The prince was happy to get the message and managed his affairs so he was soon able to join them at the cabin in the forest.
For weeks they danced together among the wild flowers and walked among the garden blossoms, they marveled at the sunsets and ran towards the rainbows, and soon, another baby was
born. The family grew restless and lonesome for their friends and the farm they had at their small cottage. They had all forgotten the anger and fighting and did not remember how bad they all felt there.
The princess was so happy in the forest, she did not want to return to the farm, but she loved her children and the prince so very much that she said she would go with them back to the cottage if they had all learned from the experience to be more loving and thoughtful to each other.
Once again the princess, now older and not so elegant and beautiful, packed the cart and carried her family through the forest back to the farm and the cottage.
There she walked with the children in the garden, and she watched as they danced among the wild flowers. She gladly listened to them tell her of the sunsets they saw and gaily watched them run toward the rainbows
A short time later the seventh child was born and the princess became very ill. She rejoiced in the birth of their beautiful baby girl, but feared that she would
not live to see the child grow up.
So each day the princess tried very hard to tell each of her children to be strong and happy. She told the stories that helped them to learn that they had many choices in their lives that they could choose to be gentle and happy and kind in spite of the things that might happen to them. When she thought they had learned these lessons well enough
to live them and teach them to the two smallest children, she went away. She wanted to take the children with her when she went away this time, but she knew she could not.
She did not have any money and she was so very weak and ill. She thought
she was dying, so she left her children with the prince, for him to care for and pay for and make a home for and she went away to rest, so that at times when she had the strength she could see the children and play with them and tell them how much she loved them. She wanted to get well and strong so she could walk with her children among the gardens, and dance with them in the wild flowers. She longed to marvel with them once more at the sunsets and run with them toward the rainbows, and to teach them once more to be kind and gentle.
The prince married again and the stepmother was very good and kind to the children. She took good care of the children when the princess could not be with them, and the princess was grateful that her children had two mothers to teach them kindness and love.
Through the years that followed she wrote letters when she was away and took the children on adventures and picnics when they were together. She walked with them in the sunsets, and marveled at the rainbows. She told them stories of the castle and the king and queen and the little cottage. Stories about the cabin in the forest. She tried to help them forget the loud unkind words spoken so long ago when they were so very small, and the bad feelings they had from them.
The baby girl did not remember the arguments or the forest for she had not yet been born. She did not remember that the princess had ever lived in their little cottage with them, but she loved to go on the adventures with the princess. She was a beautiful child, and happy and gentle and she loved to walk among the garden blossoms, and dance among the wild flowers. She marveled at the sunset and ran to meet the rainbows.
The princess watched her children grow up to be kind, loving and gentle people. making the world a kinder, more gentle place to live. The tiny lady came once again to the princess and said, "You have paid a high price."
The princess said, "But I have had my wish come true, and it has been well worth the price, and more." The children were grown, with children of their own when the princess died. The children knew she had gone to where the sunsets are, to rest forever among the rainbows, but she would be with them in the gardens to dance among the wild flowers, as they taught their own children to be gentle and loving. She had left with them this last request:
Decorate my grave not
with brackish plastic flowers
Mocking nature’s reality.
Rather, garnish your days
with acts of kindness
One to another, and
Scatter handsfull of wild flowers or
Garden blossoms upon me to
Remind you that
Loving acts and feelings
Must be repeated daily so that
Love can be eternal.
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
And the princess rode off to the castle with the prince. They were married and lived at the castle happily. They strolled through the garden blossoms and danced among the wild flowers; they marveled at the sunsets and ran to meet the rainbows in the sky. They laughed at the court jester and sang with the ladies and knights of the court. They sat around the fire at night dreaming of what they would do to make the world a better and more beautiful, kinder and more gentle place when they became queen and king of the land.
The princess was in the garden one beautiful day when a tiny lady in a sparkling dress appeared to her. "Princess," she said, and her voice was like little bells jingling lightly, "You may have the wish of your heart. You must not take this lightly, for as with every wish there is a price to pay; I cannot tell you the price, but I will tell you that it will be well worth the reward. The princess asked for a day to think it over.
She did not mention it to the prince for he was very busy. The next day the princess was in her garden tending the flowers when the tiny lady appeared. "Have you decided on your wish young princess?”
"My wish is to have 7 healthy beautiful children who love each other and make the world a happier more gentle place." For, you see, the princess knew that seven has been a magical, special number since the creation of the world.
"Your wish shall be granted; please remember as you pay the price that it will be well worth it in the end."
The tiny woman went away. The princess did not see her again for a long time, but she thought of her many times during the rest of her life.
Then one day the king and queen died and the young prince was not appointed to the king. Instead, one of his cousins was made king and banished the young prince and his bride into the wilderness without a penny of their own. They wandered in the wilderness for many months, looking for a place to live where there would be a job for the prince and a cottage for the young princess, for you see, by then she was ready to have a baby.
The prince was an industrious and talented young man so he was able to get a job working in a small town where he made enough money to buy food for himself and his wife. Soon the baby was born and as the baby grew, it ate more and more food, and by
that time there was a second baby. The young prince, older now, had to take an extra job in the town, while the princess had to stay at home, taking care of the two babies, and that was not easy, because she was going to have a third baby soon.
The prince and princess did not look as young and beautiful as they had looked riding off to the castle on that white horse, but they were still in love, they thought. They did not see each
other often and when they did the things they had to talk about were nothing to do with sunsets and rainbows, but they talked about the problems the children were having and the lack of money and clothes, and the small cottage was not big enough for the growing family.
The prince would say, "You want me to work 24 hours a day and night times too? When all you want to do is dance and raise flowers."
And the princess would stamp her foot and tell him if he hadn't messed up at the castle they would still be there and be king and Queen, so she claimed all their problems were really his fault.
They spent so much of their time arguing about who was at fault, they could not solve any of their real problems. Arguing just made them worse. While they argued the children would close up their ears with pillows so they couldn't hear or run outside into the woods. It didn't really matter what they did, they could still hear the words in their heads because they had heard them so often since before they were born.
Two more children had been born, so now there were five. Some of the children thought the fighting and arguing must be their fault, and they felt very badly about it. They began to fight and argue and strike each other in anger. It grieved the
princess; this was not her wish. She was paying the price, but where were the 7 wonderful children who would be gentle and kind and make the world a better place to live?
One day after the prince had gone off to his first job early in the morning the princess gathered her children around her and said that they were going on an adventure. She told them to get their clothes that they could carry and their favorite toy, and climb into the cart. Off they all went, excited to be on an adventure. Night time came and still they traveled on. The children slept in the cart as much as the bumpy cold ride would allow them to. Finally the princess stopped at an empty cabin and built a fire. She put the children to bed. They stayed in the cabin, fishing for food and running and
playing in the chilly winter air, feeling like all would be well now. They danced among the wild flowers and marveled at the sunsets and ran towards the rainbows.
But the children missed the prince and his joking laughter and his rough housing that he did with them on the rare evenings he spent at home. Soon they were crying for him every day.
The princess loved her 5 children so very much that it hurt her so see them sad and lonely for their father, so she sent a message with a hunter to tell the prince where they were, and that if he would come join them they could be happy there in the
woods, leaving all their anger behind. The prince was happy to get the message and managed his affairs so he was soon able to join them at the cabin in the forest.
For weeks they danced together among the wild flowers and walked among the garden blossoms, they marveled at the sunsets and ran towards the rainbows, and soon, another baby was
born. The family grew restless and lonesome for their friends and the farm they had at their small cottage. They had all forgotten the anger and fighting and did not remember how bad they all felt there.
The princess was so happy in the forest, she did not want to return to the farm, but she loved her children and the prince so very much that she said she would go with them back to the cottage if they had all learned from the experience to be more loving and thoughtful to each other.
Once again the princess, now older and not so elegant and beautiful, packed the cart and carried her family through the forest back to the farm and the cottage.
There she walked with the children in the garden, and she watched as they danced among the wild flowers. She gladly listened to them tell her of the sunsets they saw and gaily watched them run toward the rainbows
A short time later the seventh child was born and the princess became very ill. She rejoiced in the birth of their beautiful baby girl, but feared that she would
not live to see the child grow up.
So each day the princess tried very hard to tell each of her children to be strong and happy. She told the stories that helped them to learn that they had many choices in their lives that they could choose to be gentle and happy and kind in spite of the things that might happen to them. When she thought they had learned these lessons well enough
to live them and teach them to the two smallest children, she went away. She wanted to take the children with her when she went away this time, but she knew she could not.
She did not have any money and she was so very weak and ill. She thought
she was dying, so she left her children with the prince, for him to care for and pay for and make a home for and she went away to rest, so that at times when she had the strength she could see the children and play with them and tell them how much she loved them. She wanted to get well and strong so she could walk with her children among the gardens, and dance with them in the wild flowers. She longed to marvel with them once more at the sunsets and run with them toward the rainbows, and to teach them once more to be kind and gentle.
The prince married again and the stepmother was very good and kind to the children. She took good care of the children when the princess could not be with them, and the princess was grateful that her children had two mothers to teach them kindness and love.
Through the years that followed she wrote letters when she was away and took the children on adventures and picnics when they were together. She walked with them in the sunsets, and marveled at the rainbows. She told them stories of the castle and the king and queen and the little cottage. Stories about the cabin in the forest. She tried to help them forget the loud unkind words spoken so long ago when they were so very small, and the bad feelings they had from them.
The baby girl did not remember the arguments or the forest for she had not yet been born. She did not remember that the princess had ever lived in their little cottage with them, but she loved to go on the adventures with the princess. She was a beautiful child, and happy and gentle and she loved to walk among the garden blossoms, and dance among the wild flowers. She marveled at the sunset and ran to meet the rainbows.
The princess watched her children grow up to be kind, loving and gentle people. making the world a kinder, more gentle place to live. The tiny lady came once again to the princess and said, "You have paid a high price."
The princess said, "But I have had my wish come true, and it has been well worth the price, and more." The children were grown, with children of their own when the princess died. The children knew she had gone to where the sunsets are, to rest forever among the rainbows, but she would be with them in the gardens to dance among the wild flowers, as they taught their own children to be gentle and loving. She had left with them this last request:
Decorate my grave not
with brackish plastic flowers
Mocking nature’s reality.
Rather, garnish your days
with acts of kindness
One to another, and
Scatter handsfull of wild flowers or
Garden blossoms upon me to
Remind you that
Loving acts and feelings
Must be repeated daily so that
Love can be eternal.
Starship2
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Starship2
Robin and Ted talked for many days about what Robin could expect to find at his new home. He studied catalogues of clothes, and watched video movies of popular television shows. He studied the way the boys walked and talked, and wondered if he would be able to copy them so that he would fit in.
"I really feel fake when I try to walk the way they walk or talk the way they talk. That is not what I am used to and I just want to be myself. I wish I could just go there and say, Hello, I'm from a space ship. I've never been with humans before and if I act a little different, well, that is just because I am different and that should be ok."
Well, Ted answered cautiously," that might work. We have kids from other countries that come and even though they dress sort of different than others and talk our language with an accent they seem to make friends and get along ok. You just might be able to do that.
But, I better warn you, there will always bee some kids that want to tease and cause trouble. They seem to think it makes them look good when they can put other people down with name calling or comments about the way they dress or speak.
I've seen some kids get really hurt about the name calling and get into fights over it. Then they end up getting in trouble for fighting and it never seems to stop. It's almost like when they get mad, it pays off the guys that are starting the trouble. I don't know exactly but it seems like some kids just like to get other kids in trouble. I think maybe it is because they feel like they have power over them. Anytime that type of kid thinks he has power over someone to make them do things or get them into trouble they keep using that power over and over.
It is like some kind of game. They want attention, or power, so they find someone to pick on. If that student just ignores their insults or teasing, they try someone else and keep trying until they find the right victim. They know they have the right victim when the kid gets really mad about the insults and starts either crying about it or trying to fight. Of course they only pick on kids they can't hurt them, so if the kid cry he gets more insults and teasing, and if he fights back he gets more. It ends up being a vicious circle for the one that gets picked on.
But when you watch the game closely you see that both kids are playing it. The rules seem to be clear to them, because they will repeat the same scene over and over week after week. The bully searches out a victim. Those who don't pay the bully by crying or fighting just walk away and hardly notice what happened. The bully doesn't get his pay back so he tries other kids. most of the kids just ignore him, or don't even notice him. this makes him feel bad because he really wants attention and probably doesn't know how to get it. He keeps trying the same thing to get attention until finally he finds his victim who gives him the attention he wants in a pretty sad way. But then the victim is getting some attention too, he gets the attention of the bully and his friends. he gets the attention of adults around who either punish him or feel sorry for him if he gets into a fight and the rest of the kids make comments about the bully and the victim so they both get more pay off. The only way the game stops is when the bully and the victim are separated by being put in different classes or changing schools. Even then they each find a new partner and the game continues.
I can't help but fee sorry for both of them, because all they really want is the attention of others, and all they really get is negative attention. If they just learn to be who they are in a different way, to get attention by doing positive friendly things, they could get all the pay offs without the tears and bad feelings.
Most kids seem to know that without being told. But I guess there will always be some who just don't get it.
"That sounds pretty scary.. What if i get scared and upset about something and some bully decides I can be his victim. Does it have to keep going on like you say.
"Not if you don't pay the bully. Just think of it this way. If you get paid money each time you do something, you'll keep on doing it, won't you... if you need the money? IF you do it a bunch of times for money, and then no one pays you for doing it anymore, you might keep right on doing it for a while, until you notice you are not going to get paid. Then you will probably stop, unless it is something you just really like to do and don't care about the money.
Well, for the bully, the pay off is the attention from everyone that he really needs and doesn't know how to get in other way.s
When the victim stops spaying the bully, the game will continue for a short while, because the bully will take a while to realize he is not getting paid, because his game has become a habit.
But after a few times, he will look around and realize no one is paying attention to him, he is not getting paid. Probably since he needs the attention so badly he will find another victim. If he is lucky someone will take him aside and teach him some better ways of getting attention that will pay off in positive ways. Payoffs that will make him feel good about himself and feel good about other people. when he begins to get pay offs from the things he does without having to have other people March 15, 2009o the paying, then his self esteem rises and he begins to have confidence that he is worthwhile and valuable.
When the victim begins to gain self esteem and confidence he begins to realize that he is valuable and loveable no matter how he talks or acts. He doesn't have to have the approval of everyone, so it doesn't matter any more if someone criticizes him or calls him names, so he actually learns not only to walk away, but to really ignore the cements made by bullies. He really doesn't hear them anymore, or if he does , he doesn't believe that they are important to him. He doesn't have to have everyone approve of who he is or what he is.
"But you said it was good to copy the way others act. Why did I spend all this time on videos watching kids if I don't need to copy how they act?
St is good to watch other people and learn from them. when you see someone that does things that you like, or dresses in a way you think would be comfortable to you, or you hear people talking in a way that sounds comfortable to you you can learn from them by copying. this is called emulating. Emulating is copying what someone does or says to learn from it. That is the way you learn new words, new behaviors and new ways of thinking and acting. none of us are born knowing everything. the way we learn is to do it, it becomes a growing experiment. As long as we choose carefully who and what we emulate we can grow in our own way, and continue to be our own person while learning new ways of thinking and acting.
Ok. I get it. I can be me, and choose things to copy or emulate that fit with my own values and wants and needs. Copying other people that have behaviors that I like or want to develop in my self is a way of growing and learning. I don't have to copy everyone that comes along. Just the people I see that do things that I believe would be comfortable to me and help me grow in a way that fits with my own needs and wants.
That's right. You are learning fast. Now let my voice travel with you as you begin your journey to the earth colony. There will be many other teachers that you can learn from as you grow. Remember well the lessons of the star ship and the learnings you have gained through this experience. You will always have a friends if you know how to be one. But you can always be yourself and choose behaviros that make you feel comfortable and happy.
Robin traveled to the earth colony and began his new life as an earth boy. He did not want to let people know that he was born in space, he did not feel comfortable with that right away so he kept that secret to himself. He knew it was ok to have personal secrets that he didn't share with others as long as it was not about being hurt or abused. He could choose what to share about himself with others as he began to know the other boys and girls in his school. Perhaps one day he would feel comfortable with sharing that, but for now he was content to be the new boy in school and begin making new friends.
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
Starship2
Robin and Ted talked for many days about what Robin could expect to find at his new home. He studied catalogues of clothes, and watched video movies of popular television shows. He studied the way the boys walked and talked, and wondered if he would be able to copy them so that he would fit in.
"I really feel fake when I try to walk the way they walk or talk the way they talk. That is not what I am used to and I just want to be myself. I wish I could just go there and say, Hello, I'm from a space ship. I've never been with humans before and if I act a little different, well, that is just because I am different and that should be ok."
Well, Ted answered cautiously," that might work. We have kids from other countries that come and even though they dress sort of different than others and talk our language with an accent they seem to make friends and get along ok. You just might be able to do that.
But, I better warn you, there will always bee some kids that want to tease and cause trouble. They seem to think it makes them look good when they can put other people down with name calling or comments about the way they dress or speak.
I've seen some kids get really hurt about the name calling and get into fights over it. Then they end up getting in trouble for fighting and it never seems to stop. It's almost like when they get mad, it pays off the guys that are starting the trouble. I don't know exactly but it seems like some kids just like to get other kids in trouble. I think maybe it is because they feel like they have power over them. Anytime that type of kid thinks he has power over someone to make them do things or get them into trouble they keep using that power over and over.
It is like some kind of game. They want attention, or power, so they find someone to pick on. If that student just ignores their insults or teasing, they try someone else and keep trying until they find the right victim. They know they have the right victim when the kid gets really mad about the insults and starts either crying about it or trying to fight. Of course they only pick on kids they can't hurt them, so if the kid cry he gets more insults and teasing, and if he fights back he gets more. It ends up being a vicious circle for the one that gets picked on.
But when you watch the game closely you see that both kids are playing it. The rules seem to be clear to them, because they will repeat the same scene over and over week after week. The bully searches out a victim. Those who don't pay the bully by crying or fighting just walk away and hardly notice what happened. The bully doesn't get his pay back so he tries other kids. most of the kids just ignore him, or don't even notice him. this makes him feel bad because he really wants attention and probably doesn't know how to get it. He keeps trying the same thing to get attention until finally he finds his victim who gives him the attention he wants in a pretty sad way. But then the victim is getting some attention too, he gets the attention of the bully and his friends. he gets the attention of adults around who either punish him or feel sorry for him if he gets into a fight and the rest of the kids make comments about the bully and the victim so they both get more pay off. The only way the game stops is when the bully and the victim are separated by being put in different classes or changing schools. Even then they each find a new partner and the game continues.
I can't help but fee sorry for both of them, because all they really want is the attention of others, and all they really get is negative attention. If they just learn to be who they are in a different way, to get attention by doing positive friendly things, they could get all the pay offs without the tears and bad feelings.
Most kids seem to know that without being told. But I guess there will always be some who just don't get it.
"That sounds pretty scary.. What if i get scared and upset about something and some bully decides I can be his victim. Does it have to keep going on like you say.
"Not if you don't pay the bully. Just think of it this way. If you get paid money each time you do something, you'll keep on doing it, won't you... if you need the money? IF you do it a bunch of times for money, and then no one pays you for doing it anymore, you might keep right on doing it for a while, until you notice you are not going to get paid. Then you will probably stop, unless it is something you just really like to do and don't care about the money.
Well, for the bully, the pay off is the attention from everyone that he really needs and doesn't know how to get in other way.s
When the victim stops spaying the bully, the game will continue for a short while, because the bully will take a while to realize he is not getting paid, because his game has become a habit.
But after a few times, he will look around and realize no one is paying attention to him, he is not getting paid. Probably since he needs the attention so badly he will find another victim. If he is lucky someone will take him aside and teach him some better ways of getting attention that will pay off in positive ways. Payoffs that will make him feel good about himself and feel good about other people. when he begins to get pay offs from the things he does without having to have other people March 15, 2009o the paying, then his self esteem rises and he begins to have confidence that he is worthwhile and valuable.
When the victim begins to gain self esteem and confidence he begins to realize that he is valuable and loveable no matter how he talks or acts. He doesn't have to have the approval of everyone, so it doesn't matter any more if someone criticizes him or calls him names, so he actually learns not only to walk away, but to really ignore the cements made by bullies. He really doesn't hear them anymore, or if he does , he doesn't believe that they are important to him. He doesn't have to have everyone approve of who he is or what he is.
"But you said it was good to copy the way others act. Why did I spend all this time on videos watching kids if I don't need to copy how they act?
St is good to watch other people and learn from them. when you see someone that does things that you like, or dresses in a way you think would be comfortable to you, or you hear people talking in a way that sounds comfortable to you you can learn from them by copying. this is called emulating. Emulating is copying what someone does or says to learn from it. That is the way you learn new words, new behaviors and new ways of thinking and acting. none of us are born knowing everything. the way we learn is to do it, it becomes a growing experiment. As long as we choose carefully who and what we emulate we can grow in our own way, and continue to be our own person while learning new ways of thinking and acting.
Ok. I get it. I can be me, and choose things to copy or emulate that fit with my own values and wants and needs. Copying other people that have behaviors that I like or want to develop in my self is a way of growing and learning. I don't have to copy everyone that comes along. Just the people I see that do things that I believe would be comfortable to me and help me grow in a way that fits with my own needs and wants.
That's right. You are learning fast. Now let my voice travel with you as you begin your journey to the earth colony. There will be many other teachers that you can learn from as you grow. Remember well the lessons of the star ship and the learnings you have gained through this experience. You will always have a friends if you know how to be one. But you can always be yourself and choose behaviros that make you feel comfortable and happy.
Robin traveled to the earth colony and began his new life as an earth boy. He did not want to let people know that he was born in space, he did not feel comfortable with that right away so he kept that secret to himself. He knew it was ok to have personal secrets that he didn't share with others as long as it was not about being hurt or abused. He could choose what to share about himself with others as he began to know the other boys and girls in his school. Perhaps one day he would feel comfortable with sharing that, but for now he was content to be the new boy in school and begin making new friends.
I can still choose to be happy.
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801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
Sometimes I get so sad that all I can dois go to my room,pull the covers over my headand cry myself to sleep.
Dad says I don't have to be that sad.
He says it is not what happens,but what I think about what happens,that makes me feel so sad.
He said next time something happens that I don't like, to listen to the things I am saying myself.
When I started to listen to myself talk,I heard my self say things like,"I didn't like what happened.
That shouldn't have happened to me.
If people liked me, it wouldn't have happened.
No body likes me.Nothing good ever happens to me.
I must be a terrible person.
Then I get sadder and sadder thinking sad things,
so I go hide in my be and cry and cry until I fall asleep.
Dad said I can choose what thoughts I think.
I can choose my self talk.When something I don't like happens,
I can say,I don't like what happened, but then,
I can still choose to be happy.So I do.
Most the time.
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Sometimes I get so sad that all I can dois go to my room,pull the covers over my headand cry myself to sleep.
Dad says I don't have to be that sad.
He says it is not what happens,but what I think about what happens,that makes me feel so sad.
He said next time something happens that I don't like, to listen to the things I am saying myself.
When I started to listen to myself talk,I heard my self say things like,"I didn't like what happened.
That shouldn't have happened to me.
If people liked me, it wouldn't have happened.
No body likes me.Nothing good ever happens to me.
I must be a terrible person.
Then I get sadder and sadder thinking sad things,
so I go hide in my be and cry and cry until I fall asleep.
Dad said I can choose what thoughts I think.
I can choose my self talk.When something I don't like happens,
I can say,I don't like what happened, but then,
I can still choose to be happy.So I do.
Most the time.
starship 3
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Robin entered the holideck cautiously.
This would be his first experiement with earth people.
In the safety of the holodeck he could
try out different kinds of behaviors and
decide which felt the most comfortable
Ted promised him that the experiences would be
very much like being around real humans and
the things Robin did would have consequences
very much like they would on earth.
Robin found himself entering a classroom full of boys and girls. The others were his age, some larger and some smaller than him. The teacher smiled and motioned for him to bring his papers from the office to her desk.
Class, this is Robin Spencer, she told the class, putting her hand on his sholder. Robin is new here in this city and I hope you will show him how considerate and friendly you can be. Robin would you like to tell us about yourself?
Robin felt himself flinch away from the unacustomed hand and step back as Ms. Oliver invited him to say something. He had not thought of anything to say. What if he said something really stupid sounding and everyone laughed at him. Or what if his voice didn't come out at all, and he just stood there moving his lips.
Robin looked down and away and shook his head. He just wanted to get into a desk and disappear behind a book. Why was she torturing him like this. Some of the kids were smiling and looking at each other. They must be talking about me. They think I am a geek. I'll never fit in.
Oh, this is awful. I never should have come here. I hate it here already. It's not fair, why did I have to come here, why does everything terrible happen to me.
The students in the class looked back at their work, and away from Robin. As Mrs. Oliver showed robin his desk and books, he heard some whispers and snickers, but no one looked at him.
End program: Robin commanded the computer.
"Oh, that was nice," he said sarcastically. "I felt like a looser the first minute I walked into the school. I knew it would snot work out."
Was it my clothes? Did I comb my hair wrong or have the wrong shoes?
Ted watched the video replay and gave Robin some pointers.
Robin, watch how you walked into the room. You did not look around, you looked down at the floor. When the teacher touched your sholder you pulled away like you were afraid of her touch. Look at her face. Does she look like she is going to hurt you or let anyone hurt you? Did you think she would give you a death grip on the sholder?
No. I'm just not used to anyone touching me. I didn't think about it. I just reacted. I can see in her face that it made her feel uncomfortable too.
What should I do if someone touches me?
How about, let them, if it just on the sholder or back. If they want to touch more than that like hug or hold hands, you can tell them clearly that you do not feel like hugging, but you will shake their hand, or you don't want to be touched just now. It is ok to tell people how you feel about touching. And it is ok to let people touch you in safe ways like shaking hands, or pat on the back or sholder.
OK,I got it. I can do that.
Now look at your face when whe asked you about yourself?
People like to know about other people, and it shows interest when they ask questions.
She gaves you a chance to let the class memebers know a little about you so they wouldn't have to be guessing and speculating about you. That would have been a good chance to look at them all in the eyes and say,
"Hello, I'm new here and I might do things differedntly from you. Please help me if I seem lost or confused."
The way you looked away, it seemed like you were stuck up or snobbish and the kids though that you think you are too good for them. They were afraid to look at you or talk to you after that because they thought you might not answer them. Kids are really afraid tshey will loose value if someone treats them like they are not important.
You want to be treated like you are valuable and important, just as they do. It can start with the way you look at other people.
When you walk back to your desk with the teacyher, look up and look into the other kids' faces. Smile if they look at you, and later when it is time, feel free to ask their names even more than once if you need to.
It is important to learn their names and use them often.
OK. Are you ready to try that part again. Computer, repeat program?
Robin again entered the classroom, newly asssigned to Mrs. Oliver's classroom. He looked up and looked around at the students as he entered. When he saw Mrs. Oliver he walked toward her as she beckoned him with her hand. He handed her his papers and said in a clear voice, loud enough to be heard plainly by her, but not so loud it would startle her, "Hello, I'm Robin Spencer. I have been assigned to your classroom. Here are my papers."
Ms. Oliver again put her hand on Robin's sholder to introduce him to the class. The touch still felt a little strange to him, but he resisted stepping away, and he looked at the classs and smiled as she repeated his name and a welcome.
When she asked if he would like to say anything to the class, he said, "It is sure good to be here. I am glad that you look friendly so that I will feel ok asking for help or directions if I get lost or confused."
The kids looked back at him and lauged in a friendly way as they nodded their approval. Walking back to his desk he looked into some of the students faces and saw smiles. He smiled back and began to notice the name tags across the front of their desks that would help him learn their names.
He breathed a sigh of releif. This is going to be ok. I already have friends here.
Computer pause program;
I think that was a lot better. I feel better about myself when I look at people and think of them as friendly instead of looking away and being afraid. I think they liked me better the second time because they could tell I wasn't a snob or snooty. I'm glad I had a chance to practice that. Lets go on.
Chapter 4.
The morning in the holigram classroom continued quickly as the class changed from the morning announcements to social studies, then math. The material was no problem for Robin, he had studied all of it before. He felt comfortable making coments to the boys in the desks near by and said, "is this all you do here, I have already studied all of this. You mean you don't know these things already? '
The boys looked away and looked down at their books. Robin sknew he had made some kind of mistake but didn't know just what had gone wrong. Suddenly the smiling friendly faces had turned sour and turned away in an unfriendly way.
Computer, pause the program.
Ted, what did I do wrong.? I can tell by their faces that I made a mistake.
I was doing all the things I practices, I looked at them and smiled and even knew some of the names of the boys near by.
When I made a comment about the material we had to work on something went wrong. Please help me figure out what it was.
Ted, studied that portion of hte video. Robin what did you say right there, there just before Mike looked away. "I said this stuff was easy and I had already studied it."
Look carefully at Michael's math paper. You can see it there on his desk in the video. He doesn't have the right answers. He is not even doing the right process. Michael doesn't think it is easy. He looks like you took a peice of him away when you said how easy it is for you. When people have a hard time with learning things, it is not friendly to tell them how easy it is.
How was I supposed to know he was dumb?
That's a judgment. Making judgments about people is another way to take something away from them. Michael isn't necessarily dumb just because he hasn't learned that part of math.
If I offered to help him , would that take anything away from him. Would that be friendly.
Some people like help and others resent it, You will have to be careful who you offer to help, and how you offer. If you sound like a "know it all" or sound like you think they are dumb, they will probably resent your help. But if you sound sincerely friendly and helpful, and do it in a way that shows concern and a desire to be helpful, they will probalby accept it as friendly.
Ok.. One step at a time. Computer repeat the classroom scene starting with the math lesson:
Wow, Robin, are you finished already?
Yes, I have already studied this part of math. It was really hard for me at first, and I had to have a lot of help, but when I practiced with someone, I started to understand it, and Ilearned how to do it. It's kind of fun for me now. Would you like me to help you practice it?
I'm always in trouble at math time. Michaeel answered. The teacher goes too fast, and then I get confused. Can you explain it to me in a different way.
OK, Michael, how much of it do you already understand. Well, look you are doing most of it by yourself already. The next part is the tricky part. Watch, and we'll do it together at first, then you can try it by yourself.
They each worked the problem out on the paper, comparing steps as they went along. "That's right, Michael, you got it. I knew you could understand it. Now let's try another one to be sure you remember all the steps. sThat was really great. Mrs. Oliver will be pleased to see that you are able to keep up. I'm glad she lets us work together. I learned a lot by helping you too.
Michael and Robin continued to work silently on the rest of the morning's assignments until it was time for recess.
__________________
Chapter 5
Robin was glad for the chance to streatch his legs and get a drink of water. The morning had gone fast the second time through and he was feeling good just to be a part of the small group of boys that he sat around. "This isn't going to be so bad," he thought smiling and waling toward the door. I think I will try to get to know some of the other boys."
He watched a group from his class join with some others in a game of basket ball. He knew the rules and had tried a few practice shots so he walked over and stood on the side of the court. He waited quetly while the boys chose up teams quickly. They started to play but did not choose him for a team. He watched the ball going back and forth betyween the players and the laughing and shouthing reminded him of other times and places when he had been involved with friends and game. He began to feel very lonley and his face changed to a sad look. He felt uncomfortable and alone in the alien world. No one seemed to care about making him a part of their game. "I guess it is not as friendly here as I had thought.
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Robin entered the holideck cautiously.
This would be his first experiement with earth people.
In the safety of the holodeck he could
try out different kinds of behaviors and
decide which felt the most comfortable
Ted promised him that the experiences would be
very much like being around real humans and
the things Robin did would have consequences
very much like they would on earth.
Robin found himself entering a classroom full of boys and girls. The others were his age, some larger and some smaller than him. The teacher smiled and motioned for him to bring his papers from the office to her desk.
Class, this is Robin Spencer, she told the class, putting her hand on his sholder. Robin is new here in this city and I hope you will show him how considerate and friendly you can be. Robin would you like to tell us about yourself?
Robin felt himself flinch away from the unacustomed hand and step back as Ms. Oliver invited him to say something. He had not thought of anything to say. What if he said something really stupid sounding and everyone laughed at him. Or what if his voice didn't come out at all, and he just stood there moving his lips.
Robin looked down and away and shook his head. He just wanted to get into a desk and disappear behind a book. Why was she torturing him like this. Some of the kids were smiling and looking at each other. They must be talking about me. They think I am a geek. I'll never fit in.
Oh, this is awful. I never should have come here. I hate it here already. It's not fair, why did I have to come here, why does everything terrible happen to me.
The students in the class looked back at their work, and away from Robin. As Mrs. Oliver showed robin his desk and books, he heard some whispers and snickers, but no one looked at him.
End program: Robin commanded the computer.
"Oh, that was nice," he said sarcastically. "I felt like a looser the first minute I walked into the school. I knew it would snot work out."
Was it my clothes? Did I comb my hair wrong or have the wrong shoes?
Ted watched the video replay and gave Robin some pointers.
Robin, watch how you walked into the room. You did not look around, you looked down at the floor. When the teacher touched your sholder you pulled away like you were afraid of her touch. Look at her face. Does she look like she is going to hurt you or let anyone hurt you? Did you think she would give you a death grip on the sholder?
No. I'm just not used to anyone touching me. I didn't think about it. I just reacted. I can see in her face that it made her feel uncomfortable too.
What should I do if someone touches me?
How about, let them, if it just on the sholder or back. If they want to touch more than that like hug or hold hands, you can tell them clearly that you do not feel like hugging, but you will shake their hand, or you don't want to be touched just now. It is ok to tell people how you feel about touching. And it is ok to let people touch you in safe ways like shaking hands, or pat on the back or sholder.
OK,I got it. I can do that.
Now look at your face when whe asked you about yourself?
People like to know about other people, and it shows interest when they ask questions.
She gaves you a chance to let the class memebers know a little about you so they wouldn't have to be guessing and speculating about you. That would have been a good chance to look at them all in the eyes and say,
"Hello, I'm new here and I might do things differedntly from you. Please help me if I seem lost or confused."
The way you looked away, it seemed like you were stuck up or snobbish and the kids though that you think you are too good for them. They were afraid to look at you or talk to you after that because they thought you might not answer them. Kids are really afraid tshey will loose value if someone treats them like they are not important.
You want to be treated like you are valuable and important, just as they do. It can start with the way you look at other people.
When you walk back to your desk with the teacyher, look up and look into the other kids' faces. Smile if they look at you, and later when it is time, feel free to ask their names even more than once if you need to.
It is important to learn their names and use them often.
OK. Are you ready to try that part again. Computer, repeat program?
Robin again entered the classroom, newly asssigned to Mrs. Oliver's classroom. He looked up and looked around at the students as he entered. When he saw Mrs. Oliver he walked toward her as she beckoned him with her hand. He handed her his papers and said in a clear voice, loud enough to be heard plainly by her, but not so loud it would startle her, "Hello, I'm Robin Spencer. I have been assigned to your classroom. Here are my papers."
Ms. Oliver again put her hand on Robin's sholder to introduce him to the class. The touch still felt a little strange to him, but he resisted stepping away, and he looked at the classs and smiled as she repeated his name and a welcome.
When she asked if he would like to say anything to the class, he said, "It is sure good to be here. I am glad that you look friendly so that I will feel ok asking for help or directions if I get lost or confused."
The kids looked back at him and lauged in a friendly way as they nodded their approval. Walking back to his desk he looked into some of the students faces and saw smiles. He smiled back and began to notice the name tags across the front of their desks that would help him learn their names.
He breathed a sigh of releif. This is going to be ok. I already have friends here.
Computer pause program;
I think that was a lot better. I feel better about myself when I look at people and think of them as friendly instead of looking away and being afraid. I think they liked me better the second time because they could tell I wasn't a snob or snooty. I'm glad I had a chance to practice that. Lets go on.
Chapter 4.
The morning in the holigram classroom continued quickly as the class changed from the morning announcements to social studies, then math. The material was no problem for Robin, he had studied all of it before. He felt comfortable making coments to the boys in the desks near by and said, "is this all you do here, I have already studied all of this. You mean you don't know these things already? '
The boys looked away and looked down at their books. Robin sknew he had made some kind of mistake but didn't know just what had gone wrong. Suddenly the smiling friendly faces had turned sour and turned away in an unfriendly way.
Computer, pause the program.
Ted, what did I do wrong.? I can tell by their faces that I made a mistake.
I was doing all the things I practices, I looked at them and smiled and even knew some of the names of the boys near by.
When I made a comment about the material we had to work on something went wrong. Please help me figure out what it was.
Ted, studied that portion of hte video. Robin what did you say right there, there just before Mike looked away. "I said this stuff was easy and I had already studied it."
Look carefully at Michael's math paper. You can see it there on his desk in the video. He doesn't have the right answers. He is not even doing the right process. Michael doesn't think it is easy. He looks like you took a peice of him away when you said how easy it is for you. When people have a hard time with learning things, it is not friendly to tell them how easy it is.
How was I supposed to know he was dumb?
That's a judgment. Making judgments about people is another way to take something away from them. Michael isn't necessarily dumb just because he hasn't learned that part of math.
If I offered to help him , would that take anything away from him. Would that be friendly.
Some people like help and others resent it, You will have to be careful who you offer to help, and how you offer. If you sound like a "know it all" or sound like you think they are dumb, they will probably resent your help. But if you sound sincerely friendly and helpful, and do it in a way that shows concern and a desire to be helpful, they will probalby accept it as friendly.
Ok.. One step at a time. Computer repeat the classroom scene starting with the math lesson:
Wow, Robin, are you finished already?
Yes, I have already studied this part of math. It was really hard for me at first, and I had to have a lot of help, but when I practiced with someone, I started to understand it, and Ilearned how to do it. It's kind of fun for me now. Would you like me to help you practice it?
I'm always in trouble at math time. Michaeel answered. The teacher goes too fast, and then I get confused. Can you explain it to me in a different way.
OK, Michael, how much of it do you already understand. Well, look you are doing most of it by yourself already. The next part is the tricky part. Watch, and we'll do it together at first, then you can try it by yourself.
They each worked the problem out on the paper, comparing steps as they went along. "That's right, Michael, you got it. I knew you could understand it. Now let's try another one to be sure you remember all the steps. sThat was really great. Mrs. Oliver will be pleased to see that you are able to keep up. I'm glad she lets us work together. I learned a lot by helping you too.
Michael and Robin continued to work silently on the rest of the morning's assignments until it was time for recess.
__________________
Chapter 5
Robin was glad for the chance to streatch his legs and get a drink of water. The morning had gone fast the second time through and he was feeling good just to be a part of the small group of boys that he sat around. "This isn't going to be so bad," he thought smiling and waling toward the door. I think I will try to get to know some of the other boys."
He watched a group from his class join with some others in a game of basket ball. He knew the rules and had tried a few practice shots so he walked over and stood on the side of the court. He waited quetly while the boys chose up teams quickly. They started to play but did not choose him for a team. He watched the ball going back and forth betyween the players and the laughing and shouthing reminded him of other times and places when he had been involved with friends and game. He began to feel very lonley and his face changed to a sad look. He felt uncomfortable and alone in the alien world. No one seemed to care about making him a part of their game. "I guess it is not as friendly here as I had thought.
Jaybirds
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
Jaybirds
Once in a little forest area,
just outside my cabin window,
I was watching the little animals and birds play.
I had some of those hummingbird feeders
that the hummingbirds dip their long needle like beaks into and take little cool sips of sweet honey flavored water.
I liked to color mine red or orange so I could see how much was left in them.
The humming birds seemed to stand still in the air while they sipped at the red liquid.Their tiny wings moved more quickly than could be seen.
The buzzing sound I could hear from that part let me know that the wings were moving, holding the bird up in the air.
It was so pleasant to watch the humming birds at their drinkers, sipping contently then flying off, only to return again and again to satisfy their thirst for what they needed.
It seemed like they couldn't drink deeply of the liquid and they had to return many times, and continue to repeat the process in order to satisfy that need.
They take turns, never having to wait in line, or bump another about, only waiting somewhere, away from the drinker, until their turn, then quietly taking a turn from the cool red liquid.
I had some pine cones that I had dipped in peanut butter and covered with bird seed and other grains that I hung from the pine tree,and around them. The other little birds of the forests gathered as if they were meeting together to plan the activities of their day.
They seemed to be attracted to the peanut buttery smell that came from the pine cones, and perhaps, they were sharp enough with their smellers that they could even smell the nuts and grains that stuck fast to it.
One day, while I was watching these birds from my window,
I was washing the dishes and kind of began to day dream and think about my own friends at home and friends I had when I was younger, and just thinking about special people in my life and the things about them that made them very special.
I noticed that two jay birds were arguing and fighting over one of the pine cone feeders, as if each one had a right to it and should keep the other away.
Some birds are like people, in that way, they might think that their friends should do everything just the way they do it or they want them to do it. So one jay was screeching at the other and flapping his wings and flying high and diving at the other, and the other jay was fluttering around trying to avoid the attack of the other, then began to attack back, so pretty soon feathers were flying in every direction and you might imagine the noise of the two screeching birds was enough to drive all the other animals back into the forest or into their nests to be sure they could feel safe from the sights and sounds of the fighting birds. Animals prefer to be in a safe comfortable place, a pleasant place when things are not going quite right.
The terrible sounds they made, fighting, they seemed to be calling one another terrible names and saying that only one could be right and the other had to be wrong then; didn't they know there are many ways to do things, and not just one right or wrong way. It was like they wouldn't allow any difference, things had to be done as they thought, or it was wrong.
I could almost hearing them demanding that they control the other birds.
As they fought they even broke branches on the pine tree, and I remember that piney smell that it made, a different smell than when I burned the branches in the fireplace,
and even different than when...
the sun shone on the branches and warmed them up.
Those sharp pine needles brushing and poking against the birds as
they dove and flew at each other,
the hard bumping feeling as they hit and pummeled one another. . . it was hard to watch and hard to listen to and became a pretty unpleasant scene. . .
I had to wonder why they were fighting, because I knew there were other pine cone feeders out there that
smelled of peanut butter and pine scent and had all the crunchy seeds and nuts on them as this one did, but somehow both of these Jays thought they had to have that very one, and didn't seem to think that they could share it.
Each bird seemed to think it had to have the just opposite of what it already had.
Maybe at a time in your past you've had an experience, where what you thought you had to have.
. . became the opposite of what
you came later to believe. .
a change with time, a change in the way you think, at this time
Like the Jay birds might have discovered had they taken the time to think about what they were fighting over. But we know these are birdbrains and cannot really think things through, only act at the time according to that nature.
Perhaps if the Jay birds would take that time and think things through, they might remember pleasant times together, in the trees with the sun shining on them, and the glitter of the light streams through the branches of the trees, down onto the cushions of fallen leaves on the forest ground below.
While you think about what the Jay birds might have been fighting over at that time, or imagine the pleasant experiences they might have had together at other times, you might want to take the time to go way way back
into your own childhood and find there some past pleasant memories
that you haven't thought about for a long time; because many things happened to you already in your own childhood things that were fun
things that were important
Right now, the most important thing is that you allow your inner mind to began to learn
to separate out
one thing from another
to begin to work
and sort through those childhood memories
to find one that is just pleasant enough and I want you
to enjoy that process
experience those feelings
when you find that pleasant memory
get inside that memory
notice the smells and sounds and tastes. You can even feel the feelings, the temperature of that pleasant time, and the feeling of the clothes your were wearing, their color and smell. The whole earth could have stopped right at that place in time and you would have to write a whole book to describe the experience in time and space, and color and sound, the feelings of what goes on because inside that memory is enjoyment for your own active mind.
And inside that memory is the foundation
that your inner mind
can use to build an entirely new learning;
Now inside that memory
that pleasant memory
something is occurring;
do you know what the name of that something is?
there is no need to say it out loud,
no need to tell me about it or any one else,
just remember the name you give it;
that is a set of words
that you can remember later on.
Maybe you can see the words in your mind like writing over a picture of that pleasant time,
, or hear the sound of the words--feel the shape they make as you write them on your own private tablet,
Now, when you went through life
you went from one memory to another
only. they weren't even memories yet,
they were just experiences, things happening,
and as you moved from one experience to another,
you would have an enjoyable one;
but as time went on,
your enjoyment would change to something else; because there
were also experiences which were very very unpleasant
some which might have really scared you;
some which you fought your way through and
from which you learned a lot about living;
much like the jay birds were having such an experience out of my window, in the trees, around that feeder,
Their time had started with a pleasant experience
in the forest pine tree, playing around,
sharing a treat from a feeder, then
finding themselves fighting and
struggling to stay alive;
and as you got through those experiences,
you might have said to yourself:
"never again"
and as time went on
those unpleasant experiences faded
into the past and they became the basis
of powerful learnings about
how to cope with the world
in a way that was effective;
Ways to take care of your self
and protect yourself on a daily basis.
they were useful ways. however,
they're not nearly as useful as
what happens when you
say the name of that pleasant memory;
say the name to yourself
and as you do;
you can go back there again;
that's right;
go back inside that memory;
the pleasant one;
and find the enjoyment
; that's right;
because you forgot to do something;
you can think about what you forgot,
lots of people forget;
When you go from a pleasant experience
to an unpleasant one, you don't
use the pleasantness as a way of coping;
use the feeling of the pleasantness as a way of dealing with the daily hurts you might feel.
on the other hand when you
leave an unpleasant experience
and go to a pleasant one;
somehow or other;
its so easy to take the unpleasantness with you;
it seems foolish somehow but yet
it is easier that way.
Perhaps that is why the Jay birds were fighting over the pine cone feeder, with the peanut butter and grains,
maybe they forgot to
remember the pleasant feelings of getting along and
playing gently together, sharing the tastes and feelings of the day,
and they only took the fear of going without food,
or the fear of being left behind, left out of the flock,
And if you take some time;
take a deep breath;
and let that unpleasant memory really fade away;
and then move forward and
go back into that pleasant memory
that enjoyable memory;
and when you're in that memory
this time you
tell yourself" I'll never forget this again:"
because some things . . . are a resource;
that you want to take with you;
some things are helpful to have with you all the time
saved away where you can
get to them at any time you might need them,
and some things are a burden;
the things that won't help you, or even might get in the way of your having a pleasant time,
enjoying your friends, and making life for yourself pleasant and comfortable and safe.
and those things, that drag you back are no longer needed;
If you have a bad experience, maybe you have had one just today,
and you
say to yourself; "never again:"
you can trust that your inner mind will allow you to
know what to avoid in the future;
and if you say, " a few moments ago I forgot to
take that pleasant memory with me;
and I felt all those bad feelings;
and I'm never going to do that again;
And I thought about those birds, outside of my window and wondered if they could
say those things, because I had seen them fighting before, and I think that is something they really don't enjoy doing to each other or having happen to themselves.
I wondered if they could
remember the pleasant time,
remember that earlier time before the fighting,
could they
go back into that enjoyment;
go into that pleasant memory;
and perhaps remember another one that 's
even more pleasant
find one that may even have a giggle under it or
a giggle over it...
perhaps one that has tenderness;
perhaps one that just has a lot of fun;...
because you went through your childhood;
you become a school kid and you made it this far;
but since you've made it so far,
that's no reason for you give up all the good things
its much more effective to
take them with you;
See what is the most pleasant memory your unconscious
mind can find
you can consciously look for memories,
but unconsciously you know how to
sort through memories much faster,
like a computer and more effectively;
your unconscious knows much more about your own experience
than I do and it can sort through memories at a high speed , until it finds one that it thinks your conscious mind would never have thought about,
which is pleasant in a very special way;
It can find more than one if it chooses;
it might show you a piece of one, a fragment of another;
it might show you a whole sequence of pleasant memories;
and as it does so; you might not realize it,
but you're doing the same thing you did
every day of your childhood for the first four years
and every day after that;
you're sorting through memories and experiences
trying to make sense of them;
in a way that's useful; and if you
find that thread that allows you to
have a good feeling,
very very slowly, I want you to
feel the palms of your hands,
begin to touch one another slowly
the warmth and texture
and as they come together I want you to
keep those good feelings; and I want you to
see your friends doing that special thing
that they do that seems so unpleasant;
that behavior that in the past you didn't like;
and I want you to see them do it;
and keep those good feelings;
and know how good it can feel
to have somebody special in the world;
that's right; the most special unique
experience that a person can have,
is to have a special friend;
some one who is special for them.
Now sometimes, because they are our friends
, and we spend a lot more time together than with other people,
or share a lot more things, or because
they are our brother or sister,
we live in the same house and share a lot of time and experiences, we start to scold and yell like the jay birds
, or even strike each other, making them feel bad;
when we forget that special feeling and we think what we are fighting about is more important
that is a terrible waste.
When you see your friend, or sibling doing that behavior that makes you feel angry or frustrated,
you will have palms on your hands; and if you
feel that good feeling inside you,
that pleasant thread of enjoyment,
not only will you have your palms,
but you'll have someone special in them.
Now I don't know, if you feel that you can afford to do other wise; but I know that as I go through life,
it is important to me
to be able to appreciate and to enjoy all the qualities
that make a special person unique
and individual
not just some of them, because what
you're learning here is not just a way
that your unconscious can assist you in
taking one piece of behavior and making it tolerable,
but a way in which you unconscious can begin to
appreciate every idiosyncratic piece of behavior;
I remember when I was little I'd get a sandwich the first thing I'd do is peel the crust off and feed it to my dog; I had to be very careful about this because my mother believed that the crust was the best part
; but as time went on, I discovered that not all breads tasted like rubber;
I discovered that there were some breads on which the crust really did taste good
and I discovered that as time went on my own tastes...
changed.... from one thing to another;
and as your tastes change;
and you learn to appreciate something
that you didn't before
it makes you aware and more alert
to just exactly what it is
that make something important;
Now above and beyond all this
there's something else going on here
which is that you have begun
a process
which can continue for many years
about learning to use your unconscious resources to
go deeper into yourself if you wish to
or just to communicate
with your unconscious mind for the purpose of learning and changing
Now as I watched the jay birds fighting, I realized that one or the other had suddenly discovered the other pine cone feeders in the trees and the sun was shining right down through the branches of the tree on them, as they seemed to decide that sharing the same one was not such a terrible thing after all. And when they stopped their quarreling, the other little animals and birds
begin to sneak back out into the sunshine to enjoy the rest of their day knowing that they might
be able to learn many things from the jay birds and from their pleasant experiences throughout the rest of the day.
I don't know if the birds could really
make changes in their behavior,
in the way they treat each other each day,
because birds have to do what they are designed to do,
but people have minds, and minds are important to be able to
change the way we act and the
way we treat each other.
It is our minds that help us to
have pleasant experiences and
have learnings from these special, pleasant experiences each day.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
Jaybirds
Once in a little forest area,
just outside my cabin window,
I was watching the little animals and birds play.
I had some of those hummingbird feeders
that the hummingbirds dip their long needle like beaks into and take little cool sips of sweet honey flavored water.
I liked to color mine red or orange so I could see how much was left in them.
The humming birds seemed to stand still in the air while they sipped at the red liquid.Their tiny wings moved more quickly than could be seen.
The buzzing sound I could hear from that part let me know that the wings were moving, holding the bird up in the air.
It was so pleasant to watch the humming birds at their drinkers, sipping contently then flying off, only to return again and again to satisfy their thirst for what they needed.
It seemed like they couldn't drink deeply of the liquid and they had to return many times, and continue to repeat the process in order to satisfy that need.
They take turns, never having to wait in line, or bump another about, only waiting somewhere, away from the drinker, until their turn, then quietly taking a turn from the cool red liquid.
I had some pine cones that I had dipped in peanut butter and covered with bird seed and other grains that I hung from the pine tree,and around them. The other little birds of the forests gathered as if they were meeting together to plan the activities of their day.
They seemed to be attracted to the peanut buttery smell that came from the pine cones, and perhaps, they were sharp enough with their smellers that they could even smell the nuts and grains that stuck fast to it.
One day, while I was watching these birds from my window,
I was washing the dishes and kind of began to day dream and think about my own friends at home and friends I had when I was younger, and just thinking about special people in my life and the things about them that made them very special.
I noticed that two jay birds were arguing and fighting over one of the pine cone feeders, as if each one had a right to it and should keep the other away.
Some birds are like people, in that way, they might think that their friends should do everything just the way they do it or they want them to do it. So one jay was screeching at the other and flapping his wings and flying high and diving at the other, and the other jay was fluttering around trying to avoid the attack of the other, then began to attack back, so pretty soon feathers were flying in every direction and you might imagine the noise of the two screeching birds was enough to drive all the other animals back into the forest or into their nests to be sure they could feel safe from the sights and sounds of the fighting birds. Animals prefer to be in a safe comfortable place, a pleasant place when things are not going quite right.
The terrible sounds they made, fighting, they seemed to be calling one another terrible names and saying that only one could be right and the other had to be wrong then; didn't they know there are many ways to do things, and not just one right or wrong way. It was like they wouldn't allow any difference, things had to be done as they thought, or it was wrong.
I could almost hearing them demanding that they control the other birds.
As they fought they even broke branches on the pine tree, and I remember that piney smell that it made, a different smell than when I burned the branches in the fireplace,
and even different than when...
the sun shone on the branches and warmed them up.
Those sharp pine needles brushing and poking against the birds as
they dove and flew at each other,
the hard bumping feeling as they hit and pummeled one another. . . it was hard to watch and hard to listen to and became a pretty unpleasant scene. . .
I had to wonder why they were fighting, because I knew there were other pine cone feeders out there that
smelled of peanut butter and pine scent and had all the crunchy seeds and nuts on them as this one did, but somehow both of these Jays thought they had to have that very one, and didn't seem to think that they could share it.
Each bird seemed to think it had to have the just opposite of what it already had.
Maybe at a time in your past you've had an experience, where what you thought you had to have.
. . became the opposite of what
you came later to believe. .
a change with time, a change in the way you think, at this time
Like the Jay birds might have discovered had they taken the time to think about what they were fighting over. But we know these are birdbrains and cannot really think things through, only act at the time according to that nature.
Perhaps if the Jay birds would take that time and think things through, they might remember pleasant times together, in the trees with the sun shining on them, and the glitter of the light streams through the branches of the trees, down onto the cushions of fallen leaves on the forest ground below.
While you think about what the Jay birds might have been fighting over at that time, or imagine the pleasant experiences they might have had together at other times, you might want to take the time to go way way back
into your own childhood and find there some past pleasant memories
that you haven't thought about for a long time; because many things happened to you already in your own childhood things that were fun
things that were important
Right now, the most important thing is that you allow your inner mind to began to learn
to separate out
one thing from another
to begin to work
and sort through those childhood memories
to find one that is just pleasant enough and I want you
to enjoy that process
experience those feelings
when you find that pleasant memory
get inside that memory
notice the smells and sounds and tastes. You can even feel the feelings, the temperature of that pleasant time, and the feeling of the clothes your were wearing, their color and smell. The whole earth could have stopped right at that place in time and you would have to write a whole book to describe the experience in time and space, and color and sound, the feelings of what goes on because inside that memory is enjoyment for your own active mind.
And inside that memory is the foundation
that your inner mind
can use to build an entirely new learning;
Now inside that memory
that pleasant memory
something is occurring;
do you know what the name of that something is?
there is no need to say it out loud,
no need to tell me about it or any one else,
just remember the name you give it;
that is a set of words
that you can remember later on.
Maybe you can see the words in your mind like writing over a picture of that pleasant time,
, or hear the sound of the words--feel the shape they make as you write them on your own private tablet,
Now, when you went through life
you went from one memory to another
only. they weren't even memories yet,
they were just experiences, things happening,
and as you moved from one experience to another,
you would have an enjoyable one;
but as time went on,
your enjoyment would change to something else; because there
were also experiences which were very very unpleasant
some which might have really scared you;
some which you fought your way through and
from which you learned a lot about living;
much like the jay birds were having such an experience out of my window, in the trees, around that feeder,
Their time had started with a pleasant experience
in the forest pine tree, playing around,
sharing a treat from a feeder, then
finding themselves fighting and
struggling to stay alive;
and as you got through those experiences,
you might have said to yourself:
"never again"
and as time went on
those unpleasant experiences faded
into the past and they became the basis
of powerful learnings about
how to cope with the world
in a way that was effective;
Ways to take care of your self
and protect yourself on a daily basis.
they were useful ways. however,
they're not nearly as useful as
what happens when you
say the name of that pleasant memory;
say the name to yourself
and as you do;
you can go back there again;
that's right;
go back inside that memory;
the pleasant one;
and find the enjoyment
; that's right;
because you forgot to do something;
you can think about what you forgot,
lots of people forget;
When you go from a pleasant experience
to an unpleasant one, you don't
use the pleasantness as a way of coping;
use the feeling of the pleasantness as a way of dealing with the daily hurts you might feel.
on the other hand when you
leave an unpleasant experience
and go to a pleasant one;
somehow or other;
its so easy to take the unpleasantness with you;
it seems foolish somehow but yet
it is easier that way.
Perhaps that is why the Jay birds were fighting over the pine cone feeder, with the peanut butter and grains,
maybe they forgot to
remember the pleasant feelings of getting along and
playing gently together, sharing the tastes and feelings of the day,
and they only took the fear of going without food,
or the fear of being left behind, left out of the flock,
And if you take some time;
take a deep breath;
and let that unpleasant memory really fade away;
and then move forward and
go back into that pleasant memory
that enjoyable memory;
and when you're in that memory
this time you
tell yourself" I'll never forget this again:"
because some things . . . are a resource;
that you want to take with you;
some things are helpful to have with you all the time
saved away where you can
get to them at any time you might need them,
and some things are a burden;
the things that won't help you, or even might get in the way of your having a pleasant time,
enjoying your friends, and making life for yourself pleasant and comfortable and safe.
and those things, that drag you back are no longer needed;
If you have a bad experience, maybe you have had one just today,
and you
say to yourself; "never again:"
you can trust that your inner mind will allow you to
know what to avoid in the future;
and if you say, " a few moments ago I forgot to
take that pleasant memory with me;
and I felt all those bad feelings;
and I'm never going to do that again;
And I thought about those birds, outside of my window and wondered if they could
say those things, because I had seen them fighting before, and I think that is something they really don't enjoy doing to each other or having happen to themselves.
I wondered if they could
remember the pleasant time,
remember that earlier time before the fighting,
could they
go back into that enjoyment;
go into that pleasant memory;
and perhaps remember another one that 's
even more pleasant
find one that may even have a giggle under it or
a giggle over it...
perhaps one that has tenderness;
perhaps one that just has a lot of fun;...
because you went through your childhood;
you become a school kid and you made it this far;
but since you've made it so far,
that's no reason for you give up all the good things
its much more effective to
take them with you;
See what is the most pleasant memory your unconscious
mind can find
you can consciously look for memories,
but unconsciously you know how to
sort through memories much faster,
like a computer and more effectively;
your unconscious knows much more about your own experience
than I do and it can sort through memories at a high speed , until it finds one that it thinks your conscious mind would never have thought about,
which is pleasant in a very special way;
It can find more than one if it chooses;
it might show you a piece of one, a fragment of another;
it might show you a whole sequence of pleasant memories;
and as it does so; you might not realize it,
but you're doing the same thing you did
every day of your childhood for the first four years
and every day after that;
you're sorting through memories and experiences
trying to make sense of them;
in a way that's useful; and if you
find that thread that allows you to
have a good feeling,
very very slowly, I want you to
feel the palms of your hands,
begin to touch one another slowly
the warmth and texture
and as they come together I want you to
keep those good feelings; and I want you to
see your friends doing that special thing
that they do that seems so unpleasant;
that behavior that in the past you didn't like;
and I want you to see them do it;
and keep those good feelings;
and know how good it can feel
to have somebody special in the world;
that's right; the most special unique
experience that a person can have,
is to have a special friend;
some one who is special for them.
Now sometimes, because they are our friends
, and we spend a lot more time together than with other people,
or share a lot more things, or because
they are our brother or sister,
we live in the same house and share a lot of time and experiences, we start to scold and yell like the jay birds
, or even strike each other, making them feel bad;
when we forget that special feeling and we think what we are fighting about is more important
that is a terrible waste.
When you see your friend, or sibling doing that behavior that makes you feel angry or frustrated,
you will have palms on your hands; and if you
feel that good feeling inside you,
that pleasant thread of enjoyment,
not only will you have your palms,
but you'll have someone special in them.
Now I don't know, if you feel that you can afford to do other wise; but I know that as I go through life,
it is important to me
to be able to appreciate and to enjoy all the qualities
that make a special person unique
and individual
not just some of them, because what
you're learning here is not just a way
that your unconscious can assist you in
taking one piece of behavior and making it tolerable,
but a way in which you unconscious can begin to
appreciate every idiosyncratic piece of behavior;
I remember when I was little I'd get a sandwich the first thing I'd do is peel the crust off and feed it to my dog; I had to be very careful about this because my mother believed that the crust was the best part
; but as time went on, I discovered that not all breads tasted like rubber;
I discovered that there were some breads on which the crust really did taste good
and I discovered that as time went on my own tastes...
changed.... from one thing to another;
and as your tastes change;
and you learn to appreciate something
that you didn't before
it makes you aware and more alert
to just exactly what it is
that make something important;
Now above and beyond all this
there's something else going on here
which is that you have begun
a process
which can continue for many years
about learning to use your unconscious resources to
go deeper into yourself if you wish to
or just to communicate
with your unconscious mind for the purpose of learning and changing
Now as I watched the jay birds fighting, I realized that one or the other had suddenly discovered the other pine cone feeders in the trees and the sun was shining right down through the branches of the tree on them, as they seemed to decide that sharing the same one was not such a terrible thing after all. And when they stopped their quarreling, the other little animals and birds
begin to sneak back out into the sunshine to enjoy the rest of their day knowing that they might
be able to learn many things from the jay birds and from their pleasant experiences throughout the rest of the day.
I don't know if the birds could really
make changes in their behavior,
in the way they treat each other each day,
because birds have to do what they are designed to do,
but people have minds, and minds are important to be able to
change the way we act and the
way we treat each other.
It is our minds that help us to
have pleasant experiences and
have learnings from these special, pleasant experiences each day.
The Garden
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
The Garden. L. Jacobs
A fable/analogy
Audience: parents of young children at one level, and children at another level.
THE GARDEN
Not so very long ago, and not so very far away from where we live today lived a young and beautiful princess who had many wonderful talents and abilities. She was especially happy when she was dancing and whirling, and she liked very much to watch herself in the mirrors at the palace to see what she looked like as she danced and sang. She liked to watch her skirts twirl and fly as she danced and to see her dark brown eyes sparkle when she smiled. She enjoyed what she saw. She liked who she saw and she liked the thought that she made people happy and that everyone liked her too.
On the day of her birth the princess was presented with a beautiful garden which had been in the making for many years. It was surrounded by a tall rock wall, which protected it from the dangers of the world. All the grandparents and aunts and uncles and the King and Queen had contributed to the building of this lovely garden. Each had selected a special plant and special stones to decorate each and every corner of the garden. Living plants and tiny seeds and bulbs were distributed around the garden for the princess to discover and tend and make beautiful.
This garden was the gift of love to the young princess and each gave happily and willingly to make it as lovely as a garden could be.
This blessing was pronounced at her christening: "Go now, and tend your garden. It is beautiful and has everything you need to make it even more beautiful. Only you have the power to make it what you want it to be. No one can take away that power without your consent."
There was one creature in the world who did not love the princess. A wicked witch who had nothing of her own. This witch was jealous of the child's beautiful garden and plotted to force the child from the garden and take it away from her.
The wicked witch began to make friends with the child day by day and gain her trust. She came into the garden disguised as a teacher. As she did she pretended to look over the garden. Day by day the horrible creature came into the garden and pointed out plants that were not just like the queen's plants in the royal garden.
"Your plants are not nearly so beautiful as the Queen's. What will she say when she sees them so short?"
On another day the hoary monster would whisper, "Oh my, your sisters' trees are so much greener than yours, and the leaves so waxy. What will people say when they see your colorless leaves?"
The little princess said she did not care what people said. She loved her garden and knew that it was not finished yet. She knew it had to have time to grow and develop. The wicked witch saw that the child was growing smarter and time was running out, so she changed her costume to make her self look like a friend of the princess, and came each day to chat and listen to music and study. While she was there she told the princess, "Your bushes are sort of scrawny compared to my other friends' gardens. I would be embarrassed for my friends to see them like this."
Another day she might say,"Your flowers are such a funny color, they don't match any of my other friends' flowers." And the Princess would be left alone, wondering why her garden was so different from other peoples? It wouldn’t have mattered so much to the princess to have a different garden, but since it mattered so much to her teachers and her friends, the princess began to want to change things to match the other gardens.
That witch was a clever one, so she added another disguise to her collection and came once in a while as a young man wanting to date the princess. While in her garden the witch, pretending to be a young man, would say, "Your garden is really different from any I have seen."
At first the princess would say, "Thank you," but then she began to realize this wasn't supposed to be a complement because it was always followed by a suggestion to make changes in the garden that would make it more like those of all his friends.
The princess wondered about all these other gardens that looked so much alike, yet so different from hers. When she looked at other gardens she did not see so many differences, but her teacher , her friend, her boyfriends all saw the differences and did not approve of them.
"That little princess is strong willed, "wailed the witch. There is only one other way to get her garden, and she bewitched herself into a handsome young prince, who fell in love with the lovely princess and asked for her hand in marriage.
The princess was a little bewitched or enchanted too, and the arrangements for the marriage occurred so quickly that she did not have a good chance to take the prince through all of her garden.
The whole country had been invited to attend the royal wedding. There was a great celebration among the families and friends, and the princess worked on her garden to make it as beautiful as she could, for that would be her gift to the prince that she loved so very much.
On the day of the wedding the princess walked with the prince into her garden. She was so proud of it; she thought it was very beautiful and the most wonderful gift she could give to him.
The prince looked around the garden and said, "I thought it would be more like the queen's garden. This garden is quite different from what I expected. We must make some changes."
"Changes?" the princess asked. "What kind of changes?"
The prince began to describe a long list of changes. Some of the changes made sense, but most did not. He wanted to tear out the beautiful flowers that she had grown up with. He threatened to take out bushes that the King had given her and trees put there by her grandparents. He did not like the clover field laid down by her brothers' when she was still an infant, and he said the climbing roses she had worked so hard to raise and beautify were an eyesore.
She sat on the bench in one corner of the garden and began to cry. Why can't he love my garden as I do. How can he be so cruel. How will I ever live in my garden with all these changes, and if I cannot be in my garden, I will surely die. The princess began to look around at the rock wall that surrounded her garden and kept it safe from harm. She thought, "My teachers, my friends, the young men, and my prince don't like my garden. They must all be right. My garden is ugly and no good to anyone. I must leave my garden. I must escape over the wall, which is not a protection after all, but a barrier to more beautiful things of the world. I must go away."
As she sat and planned to escape this garden, darkness began to creep out from the corners of the garden. Further and further toward the center it crept until the bushes were hidden by it. The trees became mere shadows and the flowers and clover were nothing but memories of color. Slowly the princess looked around the darkness, walked carefully to the wall, feeling her way in the blackest night and began to climb the garden wall.
She gripped the rough rocks with her hands, scratching and cutting her fingers and palms, her feet dug into the cracks in the rocks below her, as she slowly lifted her entire body up onto the wall, suspended now, only by her own hands and feet. Inch by inch she climbed until the pain in the shoulders and back became nearly unbearable, but still she climbed, because she knew she could not go back into that terrible ugly garden. She must escape to the enticing wonders on the other side of the wall. She could not endure the thought of her garden with ugly horrible, misshapen plants. Upward she pushed on through the long dark night until at last, with a throbbing pain in her back and legs, and bruised and torn hands and feet, she was close to the top of the wall.
She could not see over but she put her foot up and over the top and stopped to gasp for breath. Her lungs felt as if they would burst and she thought she would never get enough air to satisfy her need at that moment.
As she hung suspended there in that dangerous awkward position, the dawn began to break in the east, and a shaft of white light fell upon her face, and a voice from the past seemed to whisper, "Go back and tend your garden. It is a beautiful garden, and has everything you need to make it even more beautiful. Only you have the power to make it what you want it to be. No one can take that power away without your consent."
She looked back down into the garden as the rising sun sparkled over the wall and lit the entire garden revealing it in its entire splendor. The sunlight lit every corner and every tree and bush and flower which had ever been planted there. Some of the plants were wilted with neglect, and others looked as if they had died down to nothing. Some were over grown and needed pruning, and many weeds had grown up that had to be removed. All needed tender loving care and nourishment. The vines had covered the mirrors, so no one could enjoy watching them. The princess saw all this plainly in the morning light.
What she recognized from her perch on that wall was that her garden was a place of beauty and comfort to live in and cultivate and enjoy for her entire life. She carefully climbed down the wall into her own garden, to plan how she would make what she had even more beautiful. She knew other gardens had things hers did not have, but most important she knew all that she had could be made more beautiful with effort and time and love.
The wicked witch was caught in the light from the dawn and her powers were diminished. The princess knew that the witch could only have power over her if she gave the witch that power. She knew that she could now recognize true friends and true love, because they would enjoy the beauties of her garden without insisting that changes be made, but allowing her to make changes and improvements as she was ready to.
So the princess lived in her garden, preparing beautiful gardens for her children and grandchildren and all that came after her to live in, to grow in, and to love and enjoy.
_l. L. Jacobs The Garden
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
The Garden. L. Jacobs
A fable/analogy
Audience: parents of young children at one level, and children at another level.
THE GARDEN
Not so very long ago, and not so very far away from where we live today lived a young and beautiful princess who had many wonderful talents and abilities. She was especially happy when she was dancing and whirling, and she liked very much to watch herself in the mirrors at the palace to see what she looked like as she danced and sang. She liked to watch her skirts twirl and fly as she danced and to see her dark brown eyes sparkle when she smiled. She enjoyed what she saw. She liked who she saw and she liked the thought that she made people happy and that everyone liked her too.
On the day of her birth the princess was presented with a beautiful garden which had been in the making for many years. It was surrounded by a tall rock wall, which protected it from the dangers of the world. All the grandparents and aunts and uncles and the King and Queen had contributed to the building of this lovely garden. Each had selected a special plant and special stones to decorate each and every corner of the garden. Living plants and tiny seeds and bulbs were distributed around the garden for the princess to discover and tend and make beautiful.
This garden was the gift of love to the young princess and each gave happily and willingly to make it as lovely as a garden could be.
This blessing was pronounced at her christening: "Go now, and tend your garden. It is beautiful and has everything you need to make it even more beautiful. Only you have the power to make it what you want it to be. No one can take away that power without your consent."
There was one creature in the world who did not love the princess. A wicked witch who had nothing of her own. This witch was jealous of the child's beautiful garden and plotted to force the child from the garden and take it away from her.
The wicked witch began to make friends with the child day by day and gain her trust. She came into the garden disguised as a teacher. As she did she pretended to look over the garden. Day by day the horrible creature came into the garden and pointed out plants that were not just like the queen's plants in the royal garden.
"Your plants are not nearly so beautiful as the Queen's. What will she say when she sees them so short?"
On another day the hoary monster would whisper, "Oh my, your sisters' trees are so much greener than yours, and the leaves so waxy. What will people say when they see your colorless leaves?"
The little princess said she did not care what people said. She loved her garden and knew that it was not finished yet. She knew it had to have time to grow and develop. The wicked witch saw that the child was growing smarter and time was running out, so she changed her costume to make her self look like a friend of the princess, and came each day to chat and listen to music and study. While she was there she told the princess, "Your bushes are sort of scrawny compared to my other friends' gardens. I would be embarrassed for my friends to see them like this."
Another day she might say,"Your flowers are such a funny color, they don't match any of my other friends' flowers." And the Princess would be left alone, wondering why her garden was so different from other peoples? It wouldn’t have mattered so much to the princess to have a different garden, but since it mattered so much to her teachers and her friends, the princess began to want to change things to match the other gardens.
That witch was a clever one, so she added another disguise to her collection and came once in a while as a young man wanting to date the princess. While in her garden the witch, pretending to be a young man, would say, "Your garden is really different from any I have seen."
At first the princess would say, "Thank you," but then she began to realize this wasn't supposed to be a complement because it was always followed by a suggestion to make changes in the garden that would make it more like those of all his friends.
The princess wondered about all these other gardens that looked so much alike, yet so different from hers. When she looked at other gardens she did not see so many differences, but her teacher , her friend, her boyfriends all saw the differences and did not approve of them.
"That little princess is strong willed, "wailed the witch. There is only one other way to get her garden, and she bewitched herself into a handsome young prince, who fell in love with the lovely princess and asked for her hand in marriage.
The princess was a little bewitched or enchanted too, and the arrangements for the marriage occurred so quickly that she did not have a good chance to take the prince through all of her garden.
The whole country had been invited to attend the royal wedding. There was a great celebration among the families and friends, and the princess worked on her garden to make it as beautiful as she could, for that would be her gift to the prince that she loved so very much.
On the day of the wedding the princess walked with the prince into her garden. She was so proud of it; she thought it was very beautiful and the most wonderful gift she could give to him.
The prince looked around the garden and said, "I thought it would be more like the queen's garden. This garden is quite different from what I expected. We must make some changes."
"Changes?" the princess asked. "What kind of changes?"
The prince began to describe a long list of changes. Some of the changes made sense, but most did not. He wanted to tear out the beautiful flowers that she had grown up with. He threatened to take out bushes that the King had given her and trees put there by her grandparents. He did not like the clover field laid down by her brothers' when she was still an infant, and he said the climbing roses she had worked so hard to raise and beautify were an eyesore.
She sat on the bench in one corner of the garden and began to cry. Why can't he love my garden as I do. How can he be so cruel. How will I ever live in my garden with all these changes, and if I cannot be in my garden, I will surely die. The princess began to look around at the rock wall that surrounded her garden and kept it safe from harm. She thought, "My teachers, my friends, the young men, and my prince don't like my garden. They must all be right. My garden is ugly and no good to anyone. I must leave my garden. I must escape over the wall, which is not a protection after all, but a barrier to more beautiful things of the world. I must go away."
As she sat and planned to escape this garden, darkness began to creep out from the corners of the garden. Further and further toward the center it crept until the bushes were hidden by it. The trees became mere shadows and the flowers and clover were nothing but memories of color. Slowly the princess looked around the darkness, walked carefully to the wall, feeling her way in the blackest night and began to climb the garden wall.
She gripped the rough rocks with her hands, scratching and cutting her fingers and palms, her feet dug into the cracks in the rocks below her, as she slowly lifted her entire body up onto the wall, suspended now, only by her own hands and feet. Inch by inch she climbed until the pain in the shoulders and back became nearly unbearable, but still she climbed, because she knew she could not go back into that terrible ugly garden. She must escape to the enticing wonders on the other side of the wall. She could not endure the thought of her garden with ugly horrible, misshapen plants. Upward she pushed on through the long dark night until at last, with a throbbing pain in her back and legs, and bruised and torn hands and feet, she was close to the top of the wall.
She could not see over but she put her foot up and over the top and stopped to gasp for breath. Her lungs felt as if they would burst and she thought she would never get enough air to satisfy her need at that moment.
As she hung suspended there in that dangerous awkward position, the dawn began to break in the east, and a shaft of white light fell upon her face, and a voice from the past seemed to whisper, "Go back and tend your garden. It is a beautiful garden, and has everything you need to make it even more beautiful. Only you have the power to make it what you want it to be. No one can take that power away without your consent."
She looked back down into the garden as the rising sun sparkled over the wall and lit the entire garden revealing it in its entire splendor. The sunlight lit every corner and every tree and bush and flower which had ever been planted there. Some of the plants were wilted with neglect, and others looked as if they had died down to nothing. Some were over grown and needed pruning, and many weeds had grown up that had to be removed. All needed tender loving care and nourishment. The vines had covered the mirrors, so no one could enjoy watching them. The princess saw all this plainly in the morning light.
What she recognized from her perch on that wall was that her garden was a place of beauty and comfort to live in and cultivate and enjoy for her entire life. She carefully climbed down the wall into her own garden, to plan how she would make what she had even more beautiful. She knew other gardens had things hers did not have, but most important she knew all that she had could be made more beautiful with effort and time and love.
The wicked witch was caught in the light from the dawn and her powers were diminished. The princess knew that the witch could only have power over her if she gave the witch that power. She knew that she could now recognize true friends and true love, because they would enjoy the beauties of her garden without insisting that changes be made, but allowing her to make changes and improvements as she was ready to.
So the princess lived in her garden, preparing beautiful gardens for her children and grandchildren and all that came after her to live in, to grow in, and to love and enjoy.
_l. L. Jacobs The Garden
K.C.
All rights reserved; this copy is given to you.
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
K.C.
Chapter I
I had to stay after school. Mr. H. waited for everyone else to leave the room. He paced back and forth across the front of the room. I hid my head in my arms and didn't look at him. But I could feel him pacing. I wondered what he was going to say to me this time. I have stayed in before, a lot, and usually he just makes me sit there a few minutes and then lets me go home.
He seemed pretty upset this time. He didn't start in talking, he just paced.
I looked at the clock for the fifth time.
"My gosh, I think the clock has stopped!" I thought.
He seemed pretty upset this time. I didn't think I would get off so easy. I peeked through my crossed arms to see if he looked as upset as his pacing sounded.
He paced a long time. I finally looked at him. I guess I wanted to get it over with.
He started to talk. "Kasey, do you know why you are here?"
I just shrugged. I guess I knew, but I didn't really know exactly what to say.
"Kasey, you have a really bad attitude."
I shrugged again, rolled my eyeballs back in my head and looked away.
"Kasey," he said in a slow, low voice, sort of like a groan.
"We need to talk. Will you talk with me?"
"Do I have a choice?" I chuckled.
"Yes, Kasey, you have a choice. I can't make you talk to me."
"OK, I guess we can talk. What do you want me to say?"
"I just want to help you...you seem to be so angry and,
well, you just seem like you are not really very happy."
Tears weld up in my eyes, but I didn't want him to see that I was going to cry,
so I rolled my eyes again and put my head down on my arms and shrugged.
"Kasey, I want to help you feel good.
Would you like to feel good?"
"I feel O.K. I'm happy."
"You just don't . . . seem happy--comfortable.
I'd just like to help you feel. . . better.
It's like you're up to bat and
all you have to do is step up to the plate,
and you are refusing to pick up the bat."
"Oh", I groaned and thought,
"I wish I could tell him how unhappy really am.
I wish I could tell him how much I would like to feel better,"
but all I could make myself to was shrug and look away.
"Kasey, if I just talk, and tell you some things,
can you just nod if I hit on something that you are thinking?"
I didn't look up. I couldn't look up or he would see my tears
and I couldn't let him know I was crying.
"Sometimes we think things in our mind,
that are really hard to say out loud because,
maybe we feel embarrassed Do you have those feelings?"
I nodded. I was thinking so many things, and I really was hoping he couldn't read my mind, because they weren't very nice things. I felt like I was screaming some of the thoughts out loud to drown out what he was saying.
"Kasey, you know, when we
think things about people around us,
about things that happen, about how we act,
the thoughts on the inside show on the outside.
That's called attitude."
"Attitude", I thought, "oh, great another great lecture about attitude.
If I have to listen to one more lecture about attitude. .
.I've been hearing this since second grade. . .'I just don't like your attitude.'"
Sometimes we
think a lot of thoughts
that upset us, and if we are not
listening to what we are thinking,
we don't even know what it is that is upsetting us."
"Do you understand?"
I nodded again. "Do I understand? cheeze,
what does he think I amstupid?
I've heard this so many times I could give the lecture."
"Well, when something happens that we don't like,
we might think,
'that's not fair',
`that shouldn't happen',
`things like that are awful'.
We think, `awful things shouldn't happen to me'.
`If I was not an awful person they wouldn't happen.'
"Do you ever think that?"
I nodded again, but didn't look up.
"This is not fair." I was thinking.
"I shouldn't have to listen to this garbage.
It is awful to have to stay in after school just for. . . just for whatever. .
if I was a decent kid this wouldn't always happen to me.
I must be a piece of junk."
"When we start thinking how awful the thing that happened is,"
he continued without waiting for my answer,
"and start thinking how awful we must be,
and maybe how worthless we are because of the awful
things that are happening,
to protect ourselves from feeling so useless and awful,
we try to make the people around us look or feel really low so that when we compare ourselves to them, we don't look so bad... to ourselves. Is that how you feel sometimes?"
I peeked through my arms and nodded. I was curious how he could know just what I was thinking, when I couldn't have even put it into words by myself.
"I need to protect myself," my mind said.
"I hate myself and everyone else does too. . .
if I wasn't such a terrible kid, people would like me and I would have friends,
and I wouldn't have to stay after school all the time listening to this junk."
"Kasey, do you think you're the only one
that feels like that, that thinks that way?"
I nodded, raising my eyebrows in a question, thinking:
"I know I'm the only one. . .
nobody else gets in trouble for bad attitude.
Nobody else has to stay after school every day every year with every teacher in the whole school.
Nobody else has a bad attitude. ...and nobody likes me because I do,
and I don't even know what a bad attitude is.
I don't even know what I'm doing that makes people get so mad at me."
Mr. H went on almost as if I were not in the room,
"A lot of people feel that way.
A lot of people, in fact, most people,
even most adults talk to themselves. .
self talk. . . about what is going on around them.
People who are comfortable and happy with their lives
are the ones who have recognized the self talk
and make choices about what they are going to think about.
They have decided to
keep the thoughts that make them feel good, happy. . .
and they do that, they
make choices everyday, all day long.
I thought:
"I wish I had some choices,
I wish I could get out of here,
I wish I was deaf so I wouldn't have to listen to this,
I wish I could just disappear, just vanish,
. . .beam me up Scottie..." I thought wishing for a space time warp to hide in.
"They don't even have to think about it after
they get used to it. They just
screen out the angry thoughts,
the thoughts about how awful things are or how awful they are. Kasey
you can learn to do that.
Would you like to learn?"
"I don't think I can.
It sounds too hard. I don't thank I am that smart."
I said out loud, mostly to myself.
"Well, I think you are that smart, and I think
you can do it--if you really want to--
I can help you, but you have to
want to enough to work really hard at it.
You think about it and tell me tomorrow."
"So, can I go home now?"
I muttered into my arms on my desk.
I was thinking:
"This wasn't the usual lecture. What happened to the threats and the finger waving in my face while yelling at me about straighten up and fly right. . .like how can a kid like me even fly when I can't do anything else right.. .face it I'm just a looser and anything he has to say to me won't help me. . .I just want to get out of here."
"YES, Kasey, you can go now."
Mr. H. groaned.
I grabbed my backpack, as I stood up fast,
and the motion tipped the chair over backward.
I didn't even stop to put it up. . .
I just turned on my heel and stomped out the door dragging the back pack.
I just wanted to get away from . . . mostly from myself.
I had to take time to think about the things Mr. H had said
all evening. I thought about it through dinner.
I thought about it while I was doing my homework.
It would be great not to feel awful all the time.
It would be nice to feel happy, and feel like I belonged.
But it made me afraid to think of how my teacher knew exactly what I was thinking.
Could he read my mind?
Was it written on my forehead somehow?
What if he read my mind and knew
all the awful things I was thinking while he was talking to me!
What did he say about helping me feel better?
How could he possibly know how bad I felt?
Did he know I hate myself as much as everyone else hates me?" I wanted so badly to
believe that he could help me change my life,
that I could step up to the plate and hit a home run,
but if I tried and couldn't change, I would really feel stupid and worthless,
Then I thought of that stupid light bulb joke,
"How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but it has to really want to change."
I went to sleep thinking about what it all meant.
I didn't even have a clue.
Chapter II
When I went to school in the morning Mr. H didn't look at me funny or ask me any questions, or anything embarrassing like that. I stayed in my seat and did my work.
Someone whispered, "Kasey must have really gotten it last night!"
I rolled my eyeballs and gave him my dirtiest look.
Other than that, I guess I was being pretty quiet.
Break came and I expected Mr. H. to question me about my decision, I paused, but then afraid he might ask, I pushed my way out the door and got really busy playing ball; but he didn't say a word. He called on me just like the other kids, but not about what we had talked about. I didn't get my name on the board once and I just kept my head down working. I kept wishing I could disappear.I kept glancing up to see if he was looking at me. I kept wondering if he could read my mind. .if he knew what I was thinking. . .
maybe I wouldn't even have to talk to him, I could just think and he would know what I was thinking and could tell me what I needed to know.
By the end of the day I wanted so bad to talk about it with Mr. H. that I thought the bell would never ring I knew by then, he was really going to leave it up to me. I had to make the choice and I had to tell him if I wanted to talk. Even if he could read my mind, I guessed he wasn't going to make it that easy. I slipped a note onto his desk,
"I want to talk." and I didn't move when the bell rang.
I was really scared, but I had to find out if he was reading my mind or what.
Chapter III
I didn't cry this time. I didn't look away.
I just looked right at Mr. H and tried to
Listen to what he had to teach me.
It was hard work like he had promised.
It was hard work for him too, but we worked together.
Sometimes I got really mad.
Sometimes I told him I just couldn't change,
I was just me and nothing I could do to change that.
But mostly I tried to listen, and talk and work.
My friends kidded me about staying after school all the time.
They asked if I was in big trouble. I just shrugged and ignored them.
I couldn't explain to them what I was learning,
I couldn't tell them I was trying to change my attitude.
They just wouldn't even understand. So I didn't tell them anything.
Mr. H. called my parents and explained to them why I was staying after school so much. They didn't really understand, but they said it was O.K. if I wanted to talk.
Mom asked me a couple of times what we talked abut, but I just said, "oh, just stuff."
Now that I've changed my attitude I can tell you what we talked about,
but I know now that even if you don't understand,
and even if you laugh about it, or at me,
your laughing or puzzled looks don't matter.
I don't depend on your opinion of me to
know that I am O.K.
That was one of the first things Mr. H. explained to me. He said:
"Kasey, generally people think about themselves
and other people in two basic ways, O.K. or not O.K.
When people feel good about themselves and other people,
they think they are O.K. and other people are O.K_"
We say this attitude is `I'm OK , you're O.K.`
there are a lot of books for grown ups about being OK."
I guess there are a lot of people that don't feel OK.
"Those are the people that have a bad attitude.
Attitude is the way you think about things,
And if you think you are not OK or other people are not OK,
You think things like how awful other people are or how awful you are and you think a lot of things that make you feel angry, or afraid or that you are not worth much to yourself or others.
When you start thinking things like that . . . it shows.
It shows in your looks and in your body language.
Other people feel your attitude and want to stay away from you.
So then I knew how he read my mind. I wasn't so different from other kids, even people, who were upset and angry a lot. What was a surprise to me was that when I looked around at the kids in my class in my school, I realized I got angry and upset a whole lot more than most of them. I hadn't ever thought about it, but if I had I would have probably thought everyone got mad about the same much.
So we worked on my attitude. To do this I began to write in a journal. In the journal I would write down all the things that made me feel upset.
Well, actually I learned that the things I wrote down were not the things that upset me.
Mr. H. explained:
"it is not what you're thinking about the things that happened that upset you."
In other words, he told me, that
"You chose to upset yourself by thinking upsetting thoughts
about the things that happened. .
Do you know what I mean?
Let me show you:
If he gave a pop quiz and I hadn't read the chapter and couldn't answer the questions,
I would get really angry. But he told me that it wasn't the pop quiz that really made me angry. It was what I thought about the pop quiz. So I wrote down in my journal:
"I missed 6 questions out of ten on the pop quiz. Feeling: I got angry and acted really dumb."
Mr. H. looked at my journal. He told me:
"Write the things I was thinking about before you got angry."
I said, "I didn't think anything. . .
I just flunked the stupid test and it made me angry."
He chuckled. I didn't think it was very funny. But his smile made me feel O.K., so
I continued to listen.
"I thought about how stupid I must be to miss so many questions."
"Anything else?" he asked.
"I thought I wasn't much good if I was that stupid."
"Anything. . .?"
"Yes, I thought, `no wonder no one likes me, I'm just a crud.`"
"So you ended up feeling like no one should like you
because you missed some questions on a pop quiz?"
“Yes. I guess that is what I thought about.
I think I thought some other things too,
like `It was really awful that you gave the test when I hadn't studied`,
and `I was really stupid not to study when you gave us the assignment`, and
`it was really awful that you gave us an assignment when there was a game that night',
and, oh, I guess I thought a lot of awful things about you,
and about myself and about school and . . .
How could I think so many things in such a short time?
I thought I just messed up the test and got mad!"
Then when I played in the baseball game after school I struck out.
I threw the bat and got a penalty for the team.
I stamped back to the dugout and was really angry.
I wouldn't let anyone talk to me, and when they did I yelled and told them how stupid they were and said things like it was their fault we were loosing the game.
When I wrote it in my journal I said:
"We lost the game and it made me really mad."
Mr. H. helped me re write it to say:
"We lost the game, and here are the things that I thought about
that made me feel so upset:
I struck out! I couldn't even hit the stupid ball.
The stupid pitcher couldn't even throw it straight.
I should be able to hit it anyway.
I bet everyone hates me because I struck out.
If I was any good I wouldn't make mistakes. . .
if I was any good I wouldn't miss the ball.
I'm a real dork.!
I have no business playing on the dumb team anyway.
I'm sure everyone hates me now.
I don't think I have any friends.
They probably all wish I wasn't even here to play.
I wish I wasn't here to play.
I wish I could just get hit by a big truck and disappear.
I am sure a useless kid."
I felt foolish writing all those things,
and I was embarrassed to admit that I had thought them,
but Mr. H. said,
When I
write my thoughts down
and admit to myself what I think,
it's all part of the work of getting to
feel better about myself.
We talked about each thought, and he called them irrational beliefs.
Irrational beliefs are things we think about ourselves that we believe might be true, but other people probably don't think so.
So Mr. H. said, "Do you think everyone thinks this about you?
I said, "only when I strike out."
He asked me,
"Is that what you think about the other kids
when they make a mistake?"
I said, "no."
and he asked if maybe they might not think like that about me either.
I said, "probably not. . .but when I am angry. . "
"When you choose to be angry. . ." Mr. H corrected.
"Yea, when I choose to be angry, and think angry thoughts,
those are the thoughts I choose to help me be more angry."
As I went to sleep night after night I would
Take the time to think about choosing my thoughts and choosing my feelings,
And I started to understand that I didn't have to dislike myself,
I could like myself even if I made mistakes...
even if I couldn't do everything right.
Chapter IV
Then he taught me a kind of short hand way to write it down.
[A] stands for action.
That's the thing that happens first.
[B] stands for Belief.
That's how I think about what happened.
Things that I believe about what happen
are what cause me to feel
[C] the consequences.
Consequences are the things
that are caused by the things that happen,
but when we talk about feelings, I began to learn that the
consequences are really caused by the beliefs.
In other words:
What I believe (B) about what happened (A)
actually causes
[C]--consequences or feelings.
So after a lot of practice, I began to be able to
just write down what happened and label them A,B,C;
and each time I wrote it I would
understand the ideas better and better and begin to
know that it was what I was thinking that made me feel upset
and not the things that happened around me.
One night I dreamed that Billy called me a green dinosaur,
And in the dream it made me turn into a green dinosaur. . .
I saw the green spreading, and I kept saying,
"I believe it's true,
I believe its true,"
and the green kept getting greener
and the dinosaur that I was turning into kept getting bigger and then
I began to shout "stop" and I woke myself up
and said out loud to my pillow,
"I choose not to believe Billy!"
And in my mind I could see the green fading and the dinosaur shrinking away, and could picture myself smiling.
I knew then it was true:
What I believe about what happens is what makes me feel upset.
I went back to sleep smiling, hoping to dream more about it.
So every day we would do that over and over,
about everything I got mad about in class or after school or at home. .
pretty soon I could
write down a feeling and the thoughts that caused them
without even talking with Mr. H.
I continued to keep my journal for a while,
and pretty soon, I discovered I no longer needed to
write down each time it happened. I just would
realize when I was starting to get upset, and I would
begin to listen to my self-talk.
Then I started learning to be able to
choose which thoughts I wanted to listen to.
I learned how to
push the other thoughts away,
the not O.K. thoughts, and just
listen to the comfortable OK thoughts.
I learned to relax deeply and go to sleep at night saying
[A]--action,[B]--beliefs--[C] --consequences, feelings, emotions.
It is what I B believe
about the A action that makes me
C feel the way I feel.
I can choose what I think and do.
I might not like how I feel but I can choose how I think and act.
. . and one night I sat up in bed and said out loud,
"If I can choose how I think and act,
I can choose how I feel.
I'm in charge of how I feel. . .
I'm up to bat. . .and I can choose the score.
When things happened at school, or Brandon called me a whimp,
I took a breath, said to myself,
"[A]: Brandon called me a whimp,
[B] I don't believe I' a whimp,
[C] I feel O.K.."
and that all took about a half a second,
and I would just go on playing or doing what I chose to do.
I saw one kid turn to Brandon and say, "Nobody calls me a whimp"
And I started thinking,
[A]: Brandon called him a whimp,
[B].he believes he must be a whimp, and that being a whimp makes him no good and that he has to protect himself from being no good, and
[C] he got angry and took a punch at Brandon."
I laughed, I could not believe anymore that anyone would believe they were no good just because someone called him a whimp.!
Chapter V
I kept working with Mr. H. and he taught me a way to
push away the not OK thoughts.
I pictured in my mind a path that went into a beautiful forest.
At the back of the forest was a cliff and when I had a thought I didn't choose to keep,
I could picture that forest and that cliff, and push the thoughts through the forest and over the cliff into a bottomless canyon so I did not allow them to come back.
"Garbage thoughts are like copping out and blaming others for things that happened.
Over generalizations, using words like everyone, no one, never, always...about things that just happened sometimes, just even once in a while."
Other garbage thoughts come when I demand that everything be the way I want it to be,
or that people should do what I want,
or that the world should be different
just because I don't like it the way it is.
"Catastrophising," Mr. H. said,
"is the most common garbage of all because we
start thinking about how terrible things that happen are.
Everything becomes a disaster, everything is horrible and we say, "I'll die if that happens."
Mr. H. used another special word, "paranoia", to describe how we sometimes might think people are doing things just to be mean,
or even to us or at us,
like when we say he was looking at me, or saying that about me,
when someone just does or says something.
Anyway, at first I have to
picture the cliff over and over again
and practice pushing the same not O.K. thoughts over the cliff
a bunch of times every day. For a few weeks I had to continue to
work very hard writing in my journal and talking with Mr. H,
but then, it seemed to begin to happen by itself...
and mostly I didn't even have to
listen to what I was thinking, because I was
starting to develop a new habit
of only thinking the OK thoughts. . .
Thoughts about the things that made me like myself
and I began to feel comfortable around other people.
I learned that I could
feel OK about myself and about other people,
even if they didn't always do the things I wanted them to.
I learned some new ways of thinking.
First I broke the habit of calling
everything and everyone dumb, stupid, dang,
and the other slang words I used to describe just about everything. When I decided to
stop using just those slang words,
my world seemed more pleasant and I liked being in it more.
Then I started pitching the cop outs,
Discarding the demanding , and generalizations
over the cliff.
Then I began to work on all the catastrophe words I used,
And filtered the paranoid statements.
Over they went,
into the bottomless pit.
I learned to stop thinking that everything I did, every mistake I made,
meant that I was a bad kid. I had to
really work hard to learn that
the things that I do or say isn't me,
and don't make me a good or bad person.
I am a person, and
I am valuable and lovable and capable.
When I make mistakes I can learn from them, and
by learning I become stronger and more capable.
The more time I spent in
practice dumping the garbage thoughts
and learning to
replace them with pleasant happy thoughts,
the happier I became.
The more I began to
think of myself as lovable and capable,
the less I thought about disappearing or about other people not liking me.
Chapter VII
I feel happy and comfortable around my family, I laugh at their joking
and it is fun to be with them.
I joke with my friends and laugh at myself when I make mistakes.
My work in school is better and my attitude is great.
When I decided it was time to tell my friends
what I had been doing, I realized that I had more friends to tell.
And I didn't even have to tell them,
because they knew that I was different from what I had been;
they could tell I had a better attitude,
and they liked being around me a lot more.
I like me a lot more too.
So that's when I decided I would tell you about it.
The End
For information on copies please contact:
Growing Together Counseling and Education
801 224 3001 http://www.GrowingTogetherCounseling.com
K.C.
Chapter I
I had to stay after school. Mr. H. waited for everyone else to leave the room. He paced back and forth across the front of the room. I hid my head in my arms and didn't look at him. But I could feel him pacing. I wondered what he was going to say to me this time. I have stayed in before, a lot, and usually he just makes me sit there a few minutes and then lets me go home.
He seemed pretty upset this time. He didn't start in talking, he just paced.
I looked at the clock for the fifth time.
"My gosh, I think the clock has stopped!" I thought.
He seemed pretty upset this time. I didn't think I would get off so easy. I peeked through my crossed arms to see if he looked as upset as his pacing sounded.
He paced a long time. I finally looked at him. I guess I wanted to get it over with.
He started to talk. "Kasey, do you know why you are here?"
I just shrugged. I guess I knew, but I didn't really know exactly what to say.
"Kasey, you have a really bad attitude."
I shrugged again, rolled my eyeballs back in my head and looked away.
"Kasey," he said in a slow, low voice, sort of like a groan.
"We need to talk. Will you talk with me?"
"Do I have a choice?" I chuckled.
"Yes, Kasey, you have a choice. I can't make you talk to me."
"OK, I guess we can talk. What do you want me to say?"
"I just want to help you...you seem to be so angry and,
well, you just seem like you are not really very happy."
Tears weld up in my eyes, but I didn't want him to see that I was going to cry,
so I rolled my eyes again and put my head down on my arms and shrugged.
"Kasey, I want to help you feel good.
Would you like to feel good?"
"I feel O.K. I'm happy."
"You just don't . . . seem happy--comfortable.
I'd just like to help you feel. . . better.
It's like you're up to bat and
all you have to do is step up to the plate,
and you are refusing to pick up the bat."
"Oh", I groaned and thought,
"I wish I could tell him how unhappy really am.
I wish I could tell him how much I would like to feel better,"
but all I could make myself to was shrug and look away.
"Kasey, if I just talk, and tell you some things,
can you just nod if I hit on something that you are thinking?"
I didn't look up. I couldn't look up or he would see my tears
and I couldn't let him know I was crying.
"Sometimes we think things in our mind,
that are really hard to say out loud because,
maybe we feel embarrassed Do you have those feelings?"
I nodded. I was thinking so many things, and I really was hoping he couldn't read my mind, because they weren't very nice things. I felt like I was screaming some of the thoughts out loud to drown out what he was saying.
"Kasey, you know, when we
think things about people around us,
about things that happen, about how we act,
the thoughts on the inside show on the outside.
That's called attitude."
"Attitude", I thought, "oh, great another great lecture about attitude.
If I have to listen to one more lecture about attitude. .
.I've been hearing this since second grade. . .'I just don't like your attitude.'"
Sometimes we
think a lot of thoughts
that upset us, and if we are not
listening to what we are thinking,
we don't even know what it is that is upsetting us."
"Do you understand?"
I nodded again. "Do I understand? cheeze,
what does he think I amstupid?
I've heard this so many times I could give the lecture."
"Well, when something happens that we don't like,
we might think,
'that's not fair',
`that shouldn't happen',
`things like that are awful'.
We think, `awful things shouldn't happen to me'.
`If I was not an awful person they wouldn't happen.'
"Do you ever think that?"
I nodded again, but didn't look up.
"This is not fair." I was thinking.
"I shouldn't have to listen to this garbage.
It is awful to have to stay in after school just for. . . just for whatever. .
if I was a decent kid this wouldn't always happen to me.
I must be a piece of junk."
"When we start thinking how awful the thing that happened is,"
he continued without waiting for my answer,
"and start thinking how awful we must be,
and maybe how worthless we are because of the awful
things that are happening,
to protect ourselves from feeling so useless and awful,
we try to make the people around us look or feel really low so that when we compare ourselves to them, we don't look so bad... to ourselves. Is that how you feel sometimes?"
I peeked through my arms and nodded. I was curious how he could know just what I was thinking, when I couldn't have even put it into words by myself.
"I need to protect myself," my mind said.
"I hate myself and everyone else does too. . .
if I wasn't such a terrible kid, people would like me and I would have friends,
and I wouldn't have to stay after school all the time listening to this junk."
"Kasey, do you think you're the only one
that feels like that, that thinks that way?"
I nodded, raising my eyebrows in a question, thinking:
"I know I'm the only one. . .
nobody else gets in trouble for bad attitude.
Nobody else has to stay after school every day every year with every teacher in the whole school.
Nobody else has a bad attitude. ...and nobody likes me because I do,
and I don't even know what a bad attitude is.
I don't even know what I'm doing that makes people get so mad at me."
Mr. H went on almost as if I were not in the room,
"A lot of people feel that way.
A lot of people, in fact, most people,
even most adults talk to themselves. .
self talk. . . about what is going on around them.
People who are comfortable and happy with their lives
are the ones who have recognized the self talk
and make choices about what they are going to think about.
They have decided to
keep the thoughts that make them feel good, happy. . .
and they do that, they
make choices everyday, all day long.
I thought:
"I wish I had some choices,
I wish I could get out of here,
I wish I was deaf so I wouldn't have to listen to this,
I wish I could just disappear, just vanish,
. . .beam me up Scottie..." I thought wishing for a space time warp to hide in.
"They don't even have to think about it after
they get used to it. They just
screen out the angry thoughts,
the thoughts about how awful things are or how awful they are. Kasey
you can learn to do that.
Would you like to learn?"
"I don't think I can.
It sounds too hard. I don't thank I am that smart."
I said out loud, mostly to myself.
"Well, I think you are that smart, and I think
you can do it--if you really want to--
I can help you, but you have to
want to enough to work really hard at it.
You think about it and tell me tomorrow."
"So, can I go home now?"
I muttered into my arms on my desk.
I was thinking:
"This wasn't the usual lecture. What happened to the threats and the finger waving in my face while yelling at me about straighten up and fly right. . .like how can a kid like me even fly when I can't do anything else right.. .face it I'm just a looser and anything he has to say to me won't help me. . .I just want to get out of here."
"YES, Kasey, you can go now."
Mr. H. groaned.
I grabbed my backpack, as I stood up fast,
and the motion tipped the chair over backward.
I didn't even stop to put it up. . .
I just turned on my heel and stomped out the door dragging the back pack.
I just wanted to get away from . . . mostly from myself.
I had to take time to think about the things Mr. H had said
all evening. I thought about it through dinner.
I thought about it while I was doing my homework.
It would be great not to feel awful all the time.
It would be nice to feel happy, and feel like I belonged.
But it made me afraid to think of how my teacher knew exactly what I was thinking.
Could he read my mind?
Was it written on my forehead somehow?
What if he read my mind and knew
all the awful things I was thinking while he was talking to me!
What did he say about helping me feel better?
How could he possibly know how bad I felt?
Did he know I hate myself as much as everyone else hates me?" I wanted so badly to
believe that he could help me change my life,
that I could step up to the plate and hit a home run,
but if I tried and couldn't change, I would really feel stupid and worthless,
Then I thought of that stupid light bulb joke,
"How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but it has to really want to change."
I went to sleep thinking about what it all meant.
I didn't even have a clue.
Chapter II
When I went to school in the morning Mr. H didn't look at me funny or ask me any questions, or anything embarrassing like that. I stayed in my seat and did my work.
Someone whispered, "Kasey must have really gotten it last night!"
I rolled my eyeballs and gave him my dirtiest look.
Other than that, I guess I was being pretty quiet.
Break came and I expected Mr. H. to question me about my decision, I paused, but then afraid he might ask, I pushed my way out the door and got really busy playing ball; but he didn't say a word. He called on me just like the other kids, but not about what we had talked about. I didn't get my name on the board once and I just kept my head down working. I kept wishing I could disappear.I kept glancing up to see if he was looking at me. I kept wondering if he could read my mind. .if he knew what I was thinking. . .
maybe I wouldn't even have to talk to him, I could just think and he would know what I was thinking and could tell me what I needed to know.
By the end of the day I wanted so bad to talk about it with Mr. H. that I thought the bell would never ring I knew by then, he was really going to leave it up to me. I had to make the choice and I had to tell him if I wanted to talk. Even if he could read my mind, I guessed he wasn't going to make it that easy. I slipped a note onto his desk,
"I want to talk." and I didn't move when the bell rang.
I was really scared, but I had to find out if he was reading my mind or what.
Chapter III
I didn't cry this time. I didn't look away.
I just looked right at Mr. H and tried to
Listen to what he had to teach me.
It was hard work like he had promised.
It was hard work for him too, but we worked together.
Sometimes I got really mad.
Sometimes I told him I just couldn't change,
I was just me and nothing I could do to change that.
But mostly I tried to listen, and talk and work.
My friends kidded me about staying after school all the time.
They asked if I was in big trouble. I just shrugged and ignored them.
I couldn't explain to them what I was learning,
I couldn't tell them I was trying to change my attitude.
They just wouldn't even understand. So I didn't tell them anything.
Mr. H. called my parents and explained to them why I was staying after school so much. They didn't really understand, but they said it was O.K. if I wanted to talk.
Mom asked me a couple of times what we talked abut, but I just said, "oh, just stuff."
Now that I've changed my attitude I can tell you what we talked about,
but I know now that even if you don't understand,
and even if you laugh about it, or at me,
your laughing or puzzled looks don't matter.
I don't depend on your opinion of me to
know that I am O.K.
That was one of the first things Mr. H. explained to me. He said:
"Kasey, generally people think about themselves
and other people in two basic ways, O.K. or not O.K.
When people feel good about themselves and other people,
they think they are O.K. and other people are O.K_"
We say this attitude is `I'm OK , you're O.K.`
there are a lot of books for grown ups about being OK."
I guess there are a lot of people that don't feel OK.
"Those are the people that have a bad attitude.
Attitude is the way you think about things,
And if you think you are not OK or other people are not OK,
You think things like how awful other people are or how awful you are and you think a lot of things that make you feel angry, or afraid or that you are not worth much to yourself or others.
When you start thinking things like that . . . it shows.
It shows in your looks and in your body language.
Other people feel your attitude and want to stay away from you.
So then I knew how he read my mind. I wasn't so different from other kids, even people, who were upset and angry a lot. What was a surprise to me was that when I looked around at the kids in my class in my school, I realized I got angry and upset a whole lot more than most of them. I hadn't ever thought about it, but if I had I would have probably thought everyone got mad about the same much.
So we worked on my attitude. To do this I began to write in a journal. In the journal I would write down all the things that made me feel upset.
Well, actually I learned that the things I wrote down were not the things that upset me.
Mr. H. explained:
"it is not what you're thinking about the things that happened that upset you."
In other words, he told me, that
"You chose to upset yourself by thinking upsetting thoughts
about the things that happened. .
Do you know what I mean?
Let me show you:
If he gave a pop quiz and I hadn't read the chapter and couldn't answer the questions,
I would get really angry. But he told me that it wasn't the pop quiz that really made me angry. It was what I thought about the pop quiz. So I wrote down in my journal:
"I missed 6 questions out of ten on the pop quiz. Feeling: I got angry and acted really dumb."
Mr. H. looked at my journal. He told me:
"Write the things I was thinking about before you got angry."
I said, "I didn't think anything. . .
I just flunked the stupid test and it made me angry."
He chuckled. I didn't think it was very funny. But his smile made me feel O.K., so
I continued to listen.
"I thought about how stupid I must be to miss so many questions."
"Anything else?" he asked.
"I thought I wasn't much good if I was that stupid."
"Anything. . .?"
"Yes, I thought, `no wonder no one likes me, I'm just a crud.`"
"So you ended up feeling like no one should like you
because you missed some questions on a pop quiz?"
“Yes. I guess that is what I thought about.
I think I thought some other things too,
like `It was really awful that you gave the test when I hadn't studied`,
and `I was really stupid not to study when you gave us the assignment`, and
`it was really awful that you gave us an assignment when there was a game that night',
and, oh, I guess I thought a lot of awful things about you,
and about myself and about school and . . .
How could I think so many things in such a short time?
I thought I just messed up the test and got mad!"
Then when I played in the baseball game after school I struck out.
I threw the bat and got a penalty for the team.
I stamped back to the dugout and was really angry.
I wouldn't let anyone talk to me, and when they did I yelled and told them how stupid they were and said things like it was their fault we were loosing the game.
When I wrote it in my journal I said:
"We lost the game and it made me really mad."
Mr. H. helped me re write it to say:
"We lost the game, and here are the things that I thought about
that made me feel so upset:
I struck out! I couldn't even hit the stupid ball.
The stupid pitcher couldn't even throw it straight.
I should be able to hit it anyway.
I bet everyone hates me because I struck out.
If I was any good I wouldn't make mistakes. . .
if I was any good I wouldn't miss the ball.
I'm a real dork.!
I have no business playing on the dumb team anyway.
I'm sure everyone hates me now.
I don't think I have any friends.
They probably all wish I wasn't even here to play.
I wish I wasn't here to play.
I wish I could just get hit by a big truck and disappear.
I am sure a useless kid."
I felt foolish writing all those things,
and I was embarrassed to admit that I had thought them,
but Mr. H. said,
When I
write my thoughts down
and admit to myself what I think,
it's all part of the work of getting to
feel better about myself.
We talked about each thought, and he called them irrational beliefs.
Irrational beliefs are things we think about ourselves that we believe might be true, but other people probably don't think so.
So Mr. H. said, "Do you think everyone thinks this about you?
I said, "only when I strike out."
He asked me,
"Is that what you think about the other kids
when they make a mistake?"
I said, "no."
and he asked if maybe they might not think like that about me either.
I said, "probably not. . .but when I am angry. . "
"When you choose to be angry. . ." Mr. H corrected.
"Yea, when I choose to be angry, and think angry thoughts,
those are the thoughts I choose to help me be more angry."
As I went to sleep night after night I would
Take the time to think about choosing my thoughts and choosing my feelings,
And I started to understand that I didn't have to dislike myself,
I could like myself even if I made mistakes...
even if I couldn't do everything right.
Chapter IV
Then he taught me a kind of short hand way to write it down.
[A] stands for action.
That's the thing that happens first.
[B] stands for Belief.
That's how I think about what happened.
Things that I believe about what happen
are what cause me to feel
[C] the consequences.
Consequences are the things
that are caused by the things that happen,
but when we talk about feelings, I began to learn that the
consequences are really caused by the beliefs.
In other words:
What I believe (B) about what happened (A)
actually causes
[C]--consequences or feelings.
So after a lot of practice, I began to be able to
just write down what happened and label them A,B,C;
and each time I wrote it I would
understand the ideas better and better and begin to
know that it was what I was thinking that made me feel upset
and not the things that happened around me.
One night I dreamed that Billy called me a green dinosaur,
And in the dream it made me turn into a green dinosaur. . .
I saw the green spreading, and I kept saying,
"I believe it's true,
I believe its true,"
and the green kept getting greener
and the dinosaur that I was turning into kept getting bigger and then
I began to shout "stop" and I woke myself up
and said out loud to my pillow,
"I choose not to believe Billy!"
And in my mind I could see the green fading and the dinosaur shrinking away, and could picture myself smiling.
I knew then it was true:
What I believe about what happens is what makes me feel upset.
I went back to sleep smiling, hoping to dream more about it.
So every day we would do that over and over,
about everything I got mad about in class or after school or at home. .
pretty soon I could
write down a feeling and the thoughts that caused them
without even talking with Mr. H.
I continued to keep my journal for a while,
and pretty soon, I discovered I no longer needed to
write down each time it happened. I just would
realize when I was starting to get upset, and I would
begin to listen to my self-talk.
Then I started learning to be able to
choose which thoughts I wanted to listen to.
I learned how to
push the other thoughts away,
the not O.K. thoughts, and just
listen to the comfortable OK thoughts.
I learned to relax deeply and go to sleep at night saying
[A]--action,[B]--beliefs--[C] --consequences, feelings, emotions.
It is what I B believe
about the A action that makes me
C feel the way I feel.
I can choose what I think and do.
I might not like how I feel but I can choose how I think and act.
. . and one night I sat up in bed and said out loud,
"If I can choose how I think and act,
I can choose how I feel.
I'm in charge of how I feel. . .
I'm up to bat. . .and I can choose the score.
When things happened at school, or Brandon called me a whimp,
I took a breath, said to myself,
"[A]: Brandon called me a whimp,
[B] I don't believe I' a whimp,
[C] I feel O.K.."
and that all took about a half a second,
and I would just go on playing or doing what I chose to do.
I saw one kid turn to Brandon and say, "Nobody calls me a whimp"
And I started thinking,
[A]: Brandon called him a whimp,
[B].he believes he must be a whimp, and that being a whimp makes him no good and that he has to protect himself from being no good, and
[C] he got angry and took a punch at Brandon."
I laughed, I could not believe anymore that anyone would believe they were no good just because someone called him a whimp.!
Chapter V
I kept working with Mr. H. and he taught me a way to
push away the not OK thoughts.
I pictured in my mind a path that went into a beautiful forest.
At the back of the forest was a cliff and when I had a thought I didn't choose to keep,
I could picture that forest and that cliff, and push the thoughts through the forest and over the cliff into a bottomless canyon so I did not allow them to come back.
"Garbage thoughts are like copping out and blaming others for things that happened.
Over generalizations, using words like everyone, no one, never, always...about things that just happened sometimes, just even once in a while."
Other garbage thoughts come when I demand that everything be the way I want it to be,
or that people should do what I want,
or that the world should be different
just because I don't like it the way it is.
"Catastrophising," Mr. H. said,
"is the most common garbage of all because we
start thinking about how terrible things that happen are.
Everything becomes a disaster, everything is horrible and we say, "I'll die if that happens."
Mr. H. used another special word, "paranoia", to describe how we sometimes might think people are doing things just to be mean,
or even to us or at us,
like when we say he was looking at me, or saying that about me,
when someone just does or says something.
Anyway, at first I have to
picture the cliff over and over again
and practice pushing the same not O.K. thoughts over the cliff
a bunch of times every day. For a few weeks I had to continue to
work very hard writing in my journal and talking with Mr. H,
but then, it seemed to begin to happen by itself...
and mostly I didn't even have to
listen to what I was thinking, because I was
starting to develop a new habit
of only thinking the OK thoughts. . .
Thoughts about the things that made me like myself
and I began to feel comfortable around other people.
I learned that I could
feel OK about myself and about other people,
even if they didn't always do the things I wanted them to.
I learned some new ways of thinking.
First I broke the habit of calling
everything and everyone dumb, stupid, dang,
and the other slang words I used to describe just about everything. When I decided to
stop using just those slang words,
my world seemed more pleasant and I liked being in it more.
Then I started pitching the cop outs,
Discarding the demanding , and generalizations
over the cliff.
Then I began to work on all the catastrophe words I used,
And filtered the paranoid statements.
Over they went,
into the bottomless pit.
I learned to stop thinking that everything I did, every mistake I made,
meant that I was a bad kid. I had to
really work hard to learn that
the things that I do or say isn't me,
and don't make me a good or bad person.
I am a person, and
I am valuable and lovable and capable.
When I make mistakes I can learn from them, and
by learning I become stronger and more capable.
The more time I spent in
practice dumping the garbage thoughts
and learning to
replace them with pleasant happy thoughts,
the happier I became.
The more I began to
think of myself as lovable and capable,
the less I thought about disappearing or about other people not liking me.
Chapter VII
I feel happy and comfortable around my family, I laugh at their joking
and it is fun to be with them.
I joke with my friends and laugh at myself when I make mistakes.
My work in school is better and my attitude is great.
When I decided it was time to tell my friends
what I had been doing, I realized that I had more friends to tell.
And I didn't even have to tell them,
because they knew that I was different from what I had been;
they could tell I had a better attitude,
and they liked being around me a lot more.
I like me a lot more too.
So that's when I decided I would tell you about it.
The End
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